Don't press dat!
by Madork Gunna
Summary: Mechanical mishaps... They can lead to strange things. Such as a Jonin knocking himself out with his own weapon. Or make an entire tribe of orks worship a young, hyperactive highly visible ninja as their god.
1. Arrival

**Da Orky Adventurez of Uzumaki Naruto**

**1. Arrival**

In the void of space, there are few things as peaceful as an uninhabited planet. Untouched by the troubles of life, they bask quietly in the light of their mother stars, one of the most serene views in the universe. E-187-606 was a prime example of this type of planet, only listed on Imperial records as beautiful and

*SMASH*

"LOOK OUT DA WINDOW! IZ DAT ARMAGIDDON? WELL?" Warboss Naffthug Badork shouted as he held Dakkawort Boltz, resident big mek, by his throat with his (inactive) powah klaw. Said mek was currently pressed face first against the main panorama window of the _Flyin' Warsquig_.

"Ack Ugh Gargle." Boltz replied. Realising his subordinate's need for air, Naffthug released his grip slightly.

"Uh, no boss, dat's not Armagiddon." Boltz replied. The few orks around the bridge wisely kept their distance to their boss. Having recently suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the Crimson Fist space marines, they were lucky to get out with their space hulk intact. Although 'intact' was probably too much praise for the mish-mash of fused together ships, asteroids and other space-junk. To say Naffthug was pissed was to say the Titanic was waterlogged. Currently they were headed to Armageddon, a planet famous for being the most contested planet in the sector. Target of two subsequent Whaagh!'s, it became a synonym for 'prolonged conflict', and it was the closest thing to an Ork's idea of heaven in existence. Naffthug planned to get into the thick of the fighting, find the biggest, baddest boys available, and shanghai them into a quest for vengeance against the marines that had cost him so much. Unfortunately, that involved actually getting there first.

"Boltz, get yar slimy self down to flyin' control and get me boyz down ter Armagiddon NOW!" Naffthug said, hurtling his subordinate away. Not wanting to attract any more attention (and bullets, stabs, slices, etc.) Boltz ran for it.

* * *

In the void of space, there are few things as peaceful as an uninhabited planet. Untouched by the troubles of life, they bask quietly in the light of their mother stars, one of the most serene views in the universe. E-837-357 was a prime example of this type of planet, only listed on Imperial records as beautiful and

"GRRAAGH! BOLTZ! GET OVER 'ERE SO I CAN SHOOT YA!"

Upon finding the big mek, Naffthug had had (by ork standards) a stroke of genius. Stuffing Boltz in his own shokk attack gun, Naffthug pointed it to a random star and pulled the trigger. While this may seem not that dangerous to the uninitiated, let us take a moment to observe just how monumentally stupid this actually was. A shock attack gun is a marvel of technology, normally making miniature tunnels through the warp allowing living beings to safely travel past light speeds while avoiding all the usual dangers of daemons, time-warping, spatial distortions and other weirdness normally associated with warp travel. If researched properly, the technology had the potential of making safe, instant interstellar travel a reality, resulting in a much safer, happier universe with flowers and bunnies and dancing children and all that. Orks being Orks, they use them to shoot snotlings at people.

Now, as stated above, a shock attack gun is designed to fire snotlings, not a large ork. Especially not into a warp engine, a machine that basically punches gaping holes in reality. And if one should shoot an Ork at a warp engine anyway, the best way to fix said engine does not involve shouting at the power core for half an hour, open up a random maintenance hatch and dump in some parts, and finally empty ones big shoota in the navigation section. It is unfortunate that no one dared to tell the enraged warboss this.

"If ya wants somefing done right an' propa ya gots ter do it yaself." Naffthug grumbled, after completing his 'kustomizations' of the warp drive.

"Awroight yar gits! Ere we go!" he shouted, and pushed the activation button. Two star systems, fifteen planets, six moons and hundreds of nearby deamons ceased to exist.

* * *

Naruto was petrified by what had just happened. The secret to his lonely childhood had just been revealed to him by Mizuki, his former teacher turned traitor. He was no stranger to pain, but this cut deeper than anything he had ever felt before. Then, even more confusing, his other teacher, Iruka, had just saved him at the cost of himself. Even as Mizuki approached, he realized he had to do something, anything to protect the man who had taken a giant shuriken for him. A strange anger gripped him as he made the hand-signs for his new technique.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Just as Naruto performed his new technique, something strange happened. He was covered in a green hue. Eyes lit up with a red glow. Power surged through the tiny body of the twelve year old as a new presence made itself known to the world. In a huge puff of smoke, the clearing was suddenly filled with green figures of all shapes and sizes. Their number reached into the thousands, covering every exposed space visible, and Mizuki knew instinctively this was only a portion of the total amount.

"Hah! A failed bunshin won't stop me!" Mizuki taunted. While he was amazed by the sheer number of clones, he was confident that the failed clones would dispel in a few seconds. They didn't. The ugly creatures just sat there, blinking, trying and failing to progress how they got here.

One spoke.

"Wot da zog jus' happened?"

Naruto didn't know what just happened. First his kage bunshin failed, and now they didn't dispel as usual? Well, he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if they were untrained simpletons, this amount of fighters would be enough to wear down a Jonin.

"Alright everyone! Attack!" he shouted, jumping up to confront Mizuki.

"Hah! as if a lowly academy student like you could defeat me!" Mizuki shouted back, throwing his fuuma shuriken. Naruto dodged by twisting his body, but the clone behind him wasn't so lucky and took it square to the chest, dispelling it instantly. This got the others moving.

"Oy! Look wot dat 'umie did ta Kullz!"

"Les get 'im!"

"Come on ladz! Dakka dakka dakka!"

* * *

"Well, I ain't got a bleedin' idea wot jus' happened, but dat woz fun!" Naffthug said, after Mizuki (and half of the surrounding forest) had been reduced to bullet-ridden piles of ash. That got blasted to bits and stomped on for good measure. Strangely enough they had been cheered on by a human in orange while doing this, not that they needed any encouragement, but it was nice to know someone appreciated what they were doing. Suddenly, Naffthug, as well as every other ork with him, felt as if they were being hauled through a long black tunnel, and wound up in a sewer. Naffthug decided that enough was enough.

"AWWRIGHT! 'OSE TOSSIN US 'BOUT THRU DA WARP GET YAR GITSY SELF OVER 'ERE! I WANNA SPLIT UR EADS NOW!"

To the surprise of all the boyz present, someone actually answered. Nobody said anything near da Boss if he was angry.

"**Be silent, green one, you're disturbing my sleep.**" Naffthug turned to the direction the voice came from, and was startled by a large cage behind them.

"Wot's dis den? A squigpit?" He asked mockingly. Two great red eyes opened, lighting up the darkness, slowly coming closer.

"**I am-**"

Naffthug immediately unloaded his big shoota in the eyes, and with a terrible roar of pain they vanished back into the darkness.

"Annoyin'." Naffthug finished for it. "Roight, now dat dat's settled, let's get ter makin' a fortress."

* * *

Naruto fell down on his bed grinning, his new headband firmly tied to his head. After the battle, he had been given one by Iruka when he showed he could also produce normal shadow clones.

_'I can't wait to show this to the others, they'll... think... I'm... amazing... now...' _He passed out after the thought had formed, exhausted.

He was in a sewer of sorts, shouts and grunts coming from somewhere ahead, along with the occasional explosion and clanking noises.

_'O-kay, where am I?' _Naruto thought, wandering about for a bit. Soon, he found the source of the noise. It was the clones. Hundreds of the green monsters were toiling about, some breaking down the wall and ceilings of the sewer, others using the rubble to strengthen a massive fortress they were building, and more doing all sorts of menial labour, ranging from fussing over great lumps of metal with stubby legs and great claws to herding sharp-toothed beasts of burden. The fortress itself was enormous, breaking through the roof of the sewer, and was made from all sorts of materials, ranging from sheets of steel, brick walls and bits of rubble to duct tape and little brown lumps that did not warrant closer inspection. At the other side of the fortress was a huge gate, covered in all sorts of strange glyphs. Somehow, Naruto thought it would be very bad if he was discovered. Slowly, he made his way towards the gate, figuring it was important if it was so heavily decorated. Reaching the gate, he nervously peered around the corner at the side, seeing nothing but blackness.

"So, my jailer finally honours me with a visit. Took you long enough." A voice said menacingly from the darkness.

"Who- Who's there?" Naruto whispered, a bit scared by everything that was happening. A red fox the size of a large wolf appeared, nine tails elegantly swaying behind him.

"Now, I'm insulted. Surely, you know of me, since that fool Mizuki told you." it said.

"Kyuubi?" Naruto asked in shock.

"Yes, it is I, the great Kyuubi no Kitsune." the fox replied arrogantly, staring at Naruto as if he were a pile of dog droppings. Something didn't sit right with Naruto.

"Why are you so small?" he asked.

The Kyuubi huffed.

"Because if I was big, you'd be discovered by these new... tenants. What you need to do now is listen. I do not know what exactly happened, but these brutes arrived here roughly the same time you used that little trick of yours. The kage bunshin normally evenly spreads out your soul over the clones, but because suddenly there were so many souls present in your mind, instead each soul got its own body, as well as the unique characteristics of their normal bodies. Don't ask me how they got here, they just appeared out of thin air along with half of that fortress."

Naruto tried to make sense of this.

"So what you saying is, normally all the clones would look like me because they're part of me. But now, I just used these guys to make the clones, so they looked like them."

"Correct. More importantly, when the clones dispelled, those souls wound up here, in your mind. And you can see what they are doing to it." Kyuubi said. Naruto looked around and many of the green things were busily destroying the surroundings.

"Wait, if this is my mind, then what they're breaking down is..."

"Yes. For now, they mostly broke down unimportant stuff, mental blocks and the like, but if you're not careful, soon they'll start tearing down, say, your memories, or your self control."

"But then I've got to stop them!"

"Wait you fool! You've seen what they did to Mizuki, what do you think they'll do to you!"

"But I can't just sit here!"

"Correct again. You'll have to learn how to fight with your mind before engaging them."

"How do I do that?"

"Enter my cage and I'll show you."

"No way! You're dangerous too, why should I trust you?"

"Because if these things were to take control over you, you'd be killed within a week, and by extension, so would I. Plus I hate them more than you."

"So, how long will this take?"

"About two months."

"What? We haven't got two months, we've barely got two hours by the rate they're tearing this place down!"

"I have the ability to speed up time in my cage. Just step in." Naruto hesitantly, until he finally was in front of the Kyuubi.

"And now?" he asked.

"Now, I'LL EAT YOU HAHAHAHA!" The fox laughed, pouncing on him. Yelling, Naruto protectively put his arms over his head, but instead of sharp teeth he only felt the Kyuubi's warm breath. Opening one eye, he peeked up at the Kyuubi, who merely grinned at him.

"Couldn't resist." it said, grinning. "Now come, we have a lot to do."

Naruto glanced back into his mind, all of the greenskins frozen in mid-step, before turning to follow the fox.

* * *

Naruto looked out, towards the fortress, and prepared himself. Calm yourself, focus on your goal, and let nothing stop you. That was the way to victory.

"Keep in mind, you're god here. All their attacks can only hurt you if you let them." Kyuubi reminded him. They were both standing in front of the gate, after a gruelling time of training. It was just day after day of training, no sleeping, no eating, not even breaks.

_'In your mind, nothing is real. Not hunger, not weariness, not even pain. All are just products of your imagination, and can be dismissed as such.'_ Kyuubi had taught him. _'The great part is this means that we don't need to pause for sleeping, eating or healing. Of course, the downside is that because we don't __need__ a break, you're not going to get any.'_

A training marathon of nearly two full months, that was a lot even for a stamina freak like Naruto. He just wanted to get this over with, now.

"I remember, just like all the other seven thousand times you told me. I kick their ass, get some sleep and wake up in time to get my team assignments. Easy." Naruto growled. Kyuubi might have agreed not to harm him, the damn fox still had quite a passion for pranks, though harmless still quite annoying. He stepped out of the cage.

Naruto grabbed the two guards at the gate by the throat, moving at such a high speed that they didn't see him until their faces collided with the metal gate.

"Where is your boss?" he asked.

"Lemme go pinkie!" the one on the right shouted. Naruto tightened his grip.

"Wrong answer." he said, and turned to the other ork. "How 'bout you, feel like talking?" It took one look at his mate being chocked to death before answering.

"Da boss is at da top, fightin' dem deamon fings. Um, lemme go, plees?" Naruto dropped the both of them, and jumped up the building onto the city streets above. What he saw shocked him. The village had many similarities to Konoha, only twisted, evil somehow. The sky was blood red, casting a spooky light over the buildings, which resembled giant rotten teeth from a distance. Most disturbing however, was the battle in the streets where he now stood. The greenskins were engaged in a furious melee with things that resembled humans, only with hateful red eyes and armed with a variety of weaponry ranging from elegantly curved knives to huge blunt clubs. What was worse, every time one fell, it would go up in smoke, and would then slowly reform some distance away. The same was true for the clones, although they would regenerate somewhere in the bottom of the fortress instead of the streets. Everywhere there was nothing but war. Half a dozen greenies ganged up on a thing that seemed to be made of a bunch of stitched together corpses, dead hands somehow wielding serrated blades with deadly dexterity. On another corner, a howling fiend lifted a severed head victoriously, only to be cut apart by the monsters allies. In the centre of the battle, Naruto saw what he thought could only be 'da boss'. Huge, nearly ten feet tall, it cackled with glee as it sheared another deamon in half with a sparking set of claws, tearing through them dozens at a time with his tube weapons, a whirlwind of hacking, stabbing, biting, shooting motion.

_'And I'm about to piss it off.'_ Naruto thought as he readied himself. He approached the ork, downright ignoring the others, their weapons passing through him as mist.

* * *

Naffthug was having a rare good time, crunching heads, shearing limbs, shooting people in half and generally enjoying himself when he was suddenly interrupted by something small and blonde that sent him flying across the battlefield.

"Oi! Who did dat?" he yelled, staggering to his feet.

"I did." a small blonde human answered.

"I'll smash ya fer dat! Get ovah 'ere so I can crump ya!"

"Okay." and, moving so fast he was nearly a blur, the human closed the distance and backhanded Naffthug again. Trying to get to his feet a vicious kick sent him sprawling. Unfettered, Naffthug tried to shoot the humie, but it dodged almost all the shots, and those that did find their mark flew through the humie's body as of he was made of mist. The humie paused, looking at the fallen Warboss with pity.

"Surrender." the human demanded.

"Nevah." Naffthug replied through broken teeth. He got kicked again for his efforts.

"I am a god here! Surrender!"

"Ya aint my god, dey'z green an' orky. I'll nevah bow fer ya."

"If you mean" suddenly the small human was replaced by a figure, resembling an ork, only easily twice as large as the largest Ork the boyz had ever seen, stood over Naffthug. "**I NEEDS TER BE LIKE DIS, DEN DATS NO PROBLEM.**" Something went click in Naffthug's mind.

"You Gork." he said. "You da biggest boss dere is... But den why wear such a puny 'umie form?"

"Because I feel like it." the god said, resuming its human form again. "Do I need to explain myself?"

"Um, no. You da boss!"

"There's a good ork. Now follow me for a sec, there's someone I want you to meet."

* * *

They stood in front of the Kyuubi's cage, Kyuubi having extracted all usable information from Naffthug through a mind melting technique ("Picked it up from a pointy-eared traveler I ate one day."). He tossed Naffthug out again, who was a bit dazed by the ordeal, but otherwise fine.

"It would seem that they broke down the barrier holding your nightmares in check, and have enjoyed keeping the deamons at bay that flowed forth. It's good that you didn't interrupt the others fighting above, or you'd have to face your nightmares over and over again until the barrier reformed." Kyuubi said.

"So, the fighting their doing now is a good thing?" Naruto asked.

"Yes. But this does mean that you can't summon all of them at once, or you'd be left with no mental defense."

"Oh." Naruto turned to Naffthug. "Well, you heard him. Back to fighting."

At this, the ork, who had been steadily getting more bored as things progressed, visibly perked up.

"Sure fing boss!" Naffthug ran back to the front, hollering with joy. "Outta da way ya grots! 'Ere I go! WHAAAGH!"

"Don't worry about that, they're naturally psychotic. It won't affect you." Kyuubi said, seeing Naruto's discomfort at the ork's bloodlust.

"How much is 'all of them' anyway?" Naruto asked curiously. The Kyuubi shrugged.

"Can't tell from here, but I'd say at least five thousand. Probably more."

"How is that possible? I only summoned about a thousand clones, max!"

"Well in that case most must have shared a cloned body and retained a strong enough sense of self to remain separate entities. Either that or a whole lot of them are now insane schizophrenics. Not my concern to be honest. Anyway, it's about time you woke up don't you think?"

Naruto gave him a blank stare. "What do you mean? I thought more time passed here then in the real world?"

"Two months brain time plus all the time it took to learn that stuff from the ork still add up. I'd hurry if I were you. After all, it's already past nine." Kyuubi said, leaving a bewildered Naruto behind.

* * *

With a shock, Naruto woke up, ad looked at his alarm clock. 8:56. He was so dead. Unless... remembering Naffthug's words about speed freeks, he focused on the image of an ork bike, jumped out the window and used his new favourite technique.


	2. Sumefing wiv bells

Iruka hopefully looked into the classroom, but was disappointed, by Naruto's absence. Well, it wouldn't be the first time he was late for something important, but Iruka had hoped that he would have the decency to attend to this event on time. Oh well, it was fitting considering how legendary tardy his new sensei was. Stepping in, he started by silencing the classroom with his big-head technique.

"Okay, first of all, congratulations on making it past your academy exams. I will now give you your team assignments, these are final and no amount of begging will change them. Each team has been-" Suddenly Iruka was interrupted by something. Namely, a huge lump of roaring red metal crashing through the wall with a green muscular monster and Naruto on top. The ork looked at the clock, which read 9:00.

"See liddle boss, right on time! Told ya I woz da fastest bikeboy evah." he said to Naruto.

"O-Oh y-yeah? W-Well m-maybe y-you c-can b-be e-even f-faster i-if y-you k-knew w-where y-you w-were g-going! W-We g-got l-lost t-twice!" replied a shaking Naruto.

"Details, details." the ork said before dispelling.

Looking at the wall, Naruto grinned apologetically to Iruka. "H-Hey s-sensei! S-Sorry I-I'm l-late, I-I k-kinda o-overslept." Then he quickly sat down next to Sakura. There was a stunned silence.

"Naruto. What. The. Hell. was that? And why are you shaking? And how come you're here when you failed the exam?" Kiba asked, first to recover from shock.

"U-Um." Naruto quickly came up with a cover story. "W-Well, t-that w-was m-my n-new s-summon, I-I'm s-shaking b-because t-that b-bike h-had n-no s-suspension, a-and l-lastly I-I t-took a-a s-special t-test a-and p-passed." Naruto said, trying to get the shaking under control. And failing rather miserably.

----

Iruka coughed, getting their attention.

"Now, as I said before I was interrupted, the teams are final, and nothing can change them anymore. Each team has been chosen based on the grades of the members to keep an even balance. Okay, team one will be-" and so the the team assignments started. Some were happy, such as Naruto when he heard he was on Sakura's team, some were sad, such as Naruto when he heard he was on Sasuke's team, and some wondered just what the hell they did to piss off fate so much, such as Sasuke. As the teams met with their respective sensei's, the classroom slowly drained of people until only team seven remained. After a while, Sasuke spoke up.

"Hey dobe."

"What is it teme?" Naruto answered, trying to balance on two chairs on top of each other.

"Where'd you get a contract?" Sasuke asked.

"A what?"

Sakura sighed. "In order to summon anything, you first need to sign a contract, that's first grade stuff. So, where did you get a green-monster-on-roaring-metal contract is what Sasuke-kun asked." she said.

"Oh." a loud crash signalled Naruto's failure. "I found it." he said, rubbing a sore spot.

"Where?" Sasuke asked.

"The woods."

Sakura and Sasuke both gave him a look that said 'sure, and my dead grandpa just won the heavy-weight wrestling world cup'.

"What are you looking at me like that for? I didn't steal it if that's what you think!" Naruto said offended.

"Well then how did you get it?" Sakura asked.

"It quite literally hit me. In the small of the back, okay? And it freaking hurt. I have no idea where they came from other than what I just told you." Naruto said, defensively. Sakura was about to say something when Sasuke beat her to it.

"Okay, I believe you." Sakura gave him an incredulous look, but he ignored her. "Could I sign it? They look powerful."

Naruto shrugged "No, the contract only had one spot to sign anyway."

"Hm." Sasuke merely returned to brooding. _'I can't force him to give up the contract or the summons would not accept me. I could steal it though.'_ he thought.

"Meanie." Sakura whined to Naruto, before returning to bothering Sasuke.

----

"Interesting. A summons you say?" the third said, regarding Naruto with interest through his crystal ball.

"That's how Naruto put it. And that thing did refer to him as 'liddle boss', suggesting some kind of connection between it and Naruto. Lastly, it looked exactly like one of the monsters in the woods." Iruka replied. "Does Kakashi know about this yet?"

"No, you know how hard it is to find him when he's running late. Don't worry though, I think Naruto is going to make him regret it, somewhat at least."

In the classroom Naruto sneezed, nearly detonating the stikkbomb trap he was making. Snikzag da kommando was overseeing his work. Naruto summoned him because he was interested if his ambushes could be improved. And so Naruto learned the age-old time-tested orky saying that 'everyfing's bedda wif more 'splosives.'

"Watch dat pin." Snikzag commented.

"I'm trying, I'm trying." Naruto said, tongue out in focus, trying to maintain his balance on two chairs while at the same time tying a small wire to the detonating pin and the door. The stikkbomb had been powered down (a little) and had been changed so it would spread around 'gooey stuff' on detonation (a lot). Sakura and Sasuke were eying both him and Snikzag suspiciously, while at the same time trying to keep as large a distance as possible. They weren't afraid (at least not that they would admit) but a) it was the class clown at work with high explosive and b) Snikzag smelled worse than a pair of old socks rotting in a sewer.

----

Kakashi poked his head in, looking over at his new charges, when he noticed something. Something grey and tube shaped, hanging in front of him with a note attached that said: 'Hello teach!'. Said object then exploded in his face.

When he recovered, he could hear the girl, Sakura, yelling. "Now look what you did! You killed sensei! Seriously, what were you thinking!"

"Aw, come on! He can't be dead, he's supposed to be a jounin! How could he die by such a low power explosion!" a boy said. Probably Naruto.

"LOW POWER!?!? YOU DESTROYED HALF THE CLASSROOM!!" Sakura shrieked.

"...That actually hurt my ears, Sakura-chan."

"I think he's awake." a third voice, which could only be Sasuke, said. Kakashi opened his eye, and was actually impressed by the amount of damage. The door, as well as much of the surrounding wall and floor were gone. In place was something that could only be described as 'green goo'. It was all over himself as well, seeping into his clothes. Worse, he could feel it start to solidify.

"My first impression of you guys... I hate you all. Meet me up on the roof." he said, before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

Upon arriving on the roof, they were surprised by the fact that Kakashi was clean once again.

"OK, lets begin with some introductions." he said.

"What do you want to know?" Sakura said.

"How about your likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, stuff like that." Kakashi said.

"Hey, why don't you introduce yourself to us first?!" Naruto yelled.

"Yeah, you look suspicious." Sakura added, looking at the mask.

"Okay. Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no desire to tell you guys about my likes or dislikes. Dreams for the future?... Hmm... Well, I have lots of hobbies."

Naruto and Sakura gave him a blank stare. _'So all we learned is his name'_ they both thought.

"Now you guys, starting with the one who put up that trap." Kakashi said. Naruto jumped up.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like cup ramen, and the restaurant ramen Iruka sensei treats me to sometimes. I also recently found out I like going fast and blowing stuff up! I dislike waiting the three minutes it takes to cook ramen and ear-splitting noises. My dream is to become the Hokage and force everybody in the village to recognise me! My hobbies... well pranks I guess." he said

"Hokage eh? You dream big. Well, since you so nicely revealed who set up that bomb, you're going to have to clean up the mess below after this. Next." Kakashi said, pointing to Sasuke. Naruto had gone pale when he heard he had to clean up the classroom, realising just how easily he'd been set up.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are a ton of things I dislike but I don't really like anything. And... I don't want to use the word 'dream' but... I have an ambition. The resurrection of my clan and... to kill a certain man."

"Hm. And lastly..." Kakashi's gaze drifted over to Sakura.

"Well... My name is Haruno Sakura. I dislike Naruto. I like..." She cast a quick glance at Sasuke. "Well, my dream is..." Another glance. "And that's about it."

"Okay. tomorrow will be our first training together. Meet me at training ground seven at eight o'clock sharp. Oh, and don't eat breakfast." Kakashi said.

"Why not?" Sakura asked.

"Because you'd throw up." Kakashi said smiling before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

----

Later Naruto could be seen cleaning up the classroom.

"Stupid Kakashi-sensei setting me up like that..." he muttered as he mopped up the first few drops of goo. However, instead of adhering to the mop, each droplet went off like a firecracker in reaction to the warm water. Naruto's eyes widened.

_'But wait, if it reacts with water how did Kakashi-sensei manage to clean-' _His thoughts were interrupted by a thundering boom and a mushroom cloud, signalling the demise of Konoha's launderette. Naruto looked up flabbergasted for a second before bursting out with laughter.

----

That night, Naruto returned to his mindscape, part of him wanting to learn more about the orks, and another part just wanting to have a blast with them. Literally. First stop, Snikzag. The kommando was busily tearing apart a deamon with his knives when Naruto found him.

"Ey liddle boss! Ambush go well?" Snikzag asked, ripping off an arm.

"Yep." Naruto morphed to his 'boss form', slightly smaller than the form which he had used to impress Naffthug with. He projected the images of Kakashi knocked out on a nearby wall. Fortunately this 'nightmare' village repaired itself, otherwise he would have no walls to project upon a long time ago. Snikzag nearly fell over with laughter after the launderette blew up, using Naruto to keep himself on his feet.

"Da only fing I regret is not bein' able ter see 'is face after dat. Hur hur hur, dis is bedda den dat time we 'decorated' dat squigpit down 'ere." Snikzag said, snickering.

"Wait, you did wot?" Naruto asked, still grinning.

"Didden ya see dat da first time?" Snikzag asked.

"Well, I saw all dose glyphs if dat's wot ya mean."

"Oh, ya can't read?"

"'course I can! jus' not dem glyphs!"

"Sure ya can boss. Still, would ya like me ter read dem to ya?" Snikzag said respectfully. Naffthug was also illiterate, but maintained he could read, and would smash anyone who said differently. He wasn't sure if Naruto was different.

"Well yeah."

"Okay."

Standing in front of the Kyuubi's cage, two Orks were busy with graffiti, giggling while they were doing it. From left to right, Snikzag began to read:

"Okay, lessee. 'Gorm woz 'ere' 'Red wunz go fasta' 'Orkz are da best' 'Anyun livin' in dis cage is a git' 'dis git's ugly' 'target practice lives 'ere' and... boss you okay?" Snikzag asked Naruto, who was laughing out loud.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Its jus' dat ya painted graffiti on da cage of un of da most powaful demons in existence. Seriously, 'anyun livin' in dis cage is a git'?" he thumped Snikzag on the back, laughing. "I really likes all o' ya."

At that moment, the kyuubi decided to make his presence known.

**"Silence! I'm trying to-"** unfortunately, when he said this, he also jumped up against the bars of his cage for added effect. This caused the two orks spraying graffiti to fall over, spraying him with blue paint over his eyes, giving the impression of the kyuubi wearing eyeshade. Both Naruto and Snikzag fell over as well, laughing.

----

That morning, Naruto woke up grinning. He'd spent the entire night with Snikzag learning about the finer details of ork 'kultur', which involved riding a battlewagon, getting intoxicated with fungus beer, herding squigs, burning stuff, and more. But most important of all, Naruto had found a family. Sure, they weren't related by blood, or even species, but the orks didn't mind, not judging him by form, manner or even appearance (they thought it was hilarious how he could beat the biggest ork even in his 'puny 'umie' form). They accepted him, and to the scorned, hated twelve year old that was the biggest gift they could ever give him. Well, that, and the battlewagon a mek had consecrated to him for his victories in the pit-fights that night. With that mindset he approached the training grounds, a grin plastered on his face.

----

Team seven was at the training ground at eight o'clock sharp that morning, having met up coincidentally beforehand en route. Kakashi however, was not. In fact, an hour later he still wasn't there. Needless to say, the trio was all for it when Naruto suggested another trap, only under the guarantee that Naruto wouldn't use a stikkbomb this time. So he used a rokkit launcha instead. Tying the trigger to a plank on the road, the rokkit launcha would fire an incendiary missile at whomever stepped on the plank.

"There, all set. Okay, try it Sasuke!" Naruto yelled from the bushes. Sasuke stepped on the plank, pulling the rope taut and triggering the unloaded launcha.

"Okay, we're good to go!" Naruto yelled again. "Sakura-chan! We're done!"

Sakura came back from her look out post, and sat down next to Sasuke and Naruto, who had hidden themselves in the bushes by the roadside.

"And now, my students, we come to the most boring and longest phase of prank pulling: the wait." Naruto said, trying to imitate Iruka's voice.

----

Five merchants, a cat, two green leotard wearing joggers, a mailman and an hour later, Kakashi still hadn't shown up. Even Naruto, normally patient when it came to pranks was getting bored.

"Man, what's taking him so long?" Naruto whined. Sasuke and Sakura had fallen asleep by the looks of it, so he was surprised when somebody answered.

"Well, you see I had to help this old lady cross the street, and then she made me carry all her groceries as well, that took some time..." Kakashi said from up the tree, reading a book.

"LIAR!" Naruto shouted accusingly, waking up and startling Sasuke and Sakura. Sakura blushed as she realised on who's chest she'd fallen asleep on (Sasuke's), and Sasuke groaned as he realised who's drool was on his shirt (Sakura's).

"Hey, what took you so long?" Sakura asked Kakashi.

"Well, you see I had to-" "Oh, come on! It's so obvious you're lying it's almost funny." Naruto interrupted.

"Okay. Well, now that we're all here, lets start the training shall we?" Kakashi said and jumped down. "Now, the purpose of this test is to obtain these bells." he held up two silver bells "Whomever doesn't have one by lunchtime will be tied to a post and be forced to watch as the other two eat lunch, and then he or she will be sent back to the academy. Clear?" Kakashi explained smiling.

"But there are only two bells, sensei." Sakura said.

"Yes, did you seriously think that that academy joke of a test was the real deal? That's just in place to weed out the weaklings beforehand. No, this is the real graduation exam, and I must warn you: not a single person has managed to pass my tests before. So, shall we begin? I'll give you a ten second head start." Kakashi said, and closed his eyes. Upon opening them, both his students and the bells were gone. _'So, they took the bells while my eyes were closed eh? They're smarter than that last lot, I'll give them that'_ Kakashi thought. _'Though not by much'_ he thought after noticing the obvious trail left behind. Flipping open his book, he started the chase.

----

While Kakashi's eyes were closed, Naruto had grabbed the bells before chasing after Sakura and Sasuke. Snikzag wasn't the only one whom he'd learned a thing or two of, after learning the hard way that there was a reason lootas always dined alone. After retrieving his choppa (he had to get one of those in real life, they had an amazing number of uses), he'd 'requested' being taught how to steal stuff without being noticed. Bells safely tucked away, Naruto ran for it, hiding under a bush. _'Now who to give that other bell to... Well, I do like Sakura more, but lets face it, Sasuke's a stronger team-mate... Sakura did say she dislikes me however, and Sasuke is an ass most of the time... Ack! choices, choices! I could sacrifice myself... But then how would I become Hokage?'_ Suddenly, Naruto remembered a conversation he had years ago...

Flashbacky bit

"So, you want to become hokage eh?" Sarutobi said to the five year old Naruto.

"Yeah, then everyone would recognise me, and nobody would look bad at me anymore!" Naruto said after draining his ramen bowl.

"Ah, but do you know what it means to become hokage?" Sarutobi asked.

"Of course, you have to be the strongest ninja in the village."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Being strong is only part of being hokage. The other part is loving the village, and being prepared to sacrifice everything for it and the people in it. Still think you're up to the job?" Sarutobi said smiling. The young Naruto looked at him with a determined gleam in his eyes.

"Yes, I am!"

"You sure?"

"It's a promise!"

End o' da flashbacky bit

_'Damn it! I can't keep a bell, or I'll break that promise! And I won't break my word, no matter what! I can probably pass the academy exams anyway, and it's not like another year waiting makes that much of a difference to me...' _With these thoughts, Naruto set off in search of Sakura and Sasuke.

----

From a tree, Kakashi watched him go. _'Well, lets see what he does with the bells before I take them back' _he thought. Meanwhile, Sasuke, who had been following Kakashi, saw an opportunity. Launching a set of kunai, he jumped towards Kakashi and threw a shuriken barrage as a follow up. Dodging both the kunai and the shuriken, Kakashi was surprised by a wire trailing the shuriken, which wrapped around him and tied him to a tree. There was no time to dodge the fireball. As Sasuke landed near the flaming stump, he smirked. If he could beat a jounin that easily then-

"You know, substitution is underrated." Kakashi said casually from behind him. Turning around, Sasuke immediately launched a spinning kick, but Kakashi blocked that, dodged the punch that followed and kept on blocking and dodging all of Sasuke's attacks until finally he caught Sasuke's foot and threw him out the tree. As he landed Sasuke realised he was no match for Kakashi, as much as he hated to admit it. He tossed a smoke bomb to hide his escape. An ear-splitting shriek could be heard from a nearby bush.

----

Sakura watched the battle from a distance, silently cheering on Sasuke, when she heard something grunting behind her. She froze. Konoha's woods housed a fair number of dangerous wildlife, and although most was kept clear of the training grounds and roads, there was always a chance... She slowly turned round, and found herself face to face with... something. It had a mottled red skin, a pig-like nose, two red eyes with slits, a number of horns on its back, a mouth full of very nasty looking teeth and was currently gazing towards her with a dumb look. Naruto was right behind it, and grinned towards her.

"Hey, found you Sakura-chan!" he said. Two things happened. One: The sniffer squig decided to lick Sakura in the face and two: Sasuke had, accidentally, chosen that exact bush to hide from Kakashi and landed on top of the three. Covered in slime, and her love-interest, Sakura did the first thing that came to her mind: she shrieked. Then she fainted.

----

Several minutes later, both Naruto and Sasuke were lying on the ground, panting, Sakura standing between them. Naruto picked her up before running away, and therefore she was the only one not completely out of breath. Because of that, she was on lookout now.

"I think we lost him." she said, not seeing anything.

"Good" said a panting Naruto. "Here. *pant* got something *pant* for you two." He held up the bells.

"Wha- where did you get those?!" Sakura gasped.

"Heh, *pant* took them while he *pant* had his eyes closed." Naruto grinned, tossing one over to Sakura and one to Sasuke. Both of them looked at the bells, feeling a pang of doubt. Before they could do or say anything however, Kakashi appeared, taking full advantage of their surprise, grabbed the bells and disappeared again.

////////////

For the record here: the meeting with Konohamaru (see chap. 4 of the manga if you don't know what I'm talking about) went exactly as canon, so I'm not going to rewrite that bit. Naruto can still use his normal kage bunshin if he doesn't focus on an ork. Memory sharing only works with normal clones, as ork-clones use separate souls, therefore not sharing memories when dispelled.

Right, now dat da borin' bits are finished, da next chapta will feature da conclusion o' da bell test. I woz gonna write dat in dis chapta, but I figured dat you guys would like a quick update. Don' expect anuvver un so quickly, I find fings become 'arder ter write da further ya get.

Woz signed.

_Madork Gunna_


	3. Sumefing wiv bells, da konklusion

Mephisteron: The WHAAAGH is coming, just wait for it.

Ogi: Why thank you, but as for dakka and choppa, you're going to have to wait for the next chapter, or possibly the one after that. Although I do my best to cram in as much as I can.

Huitt1989: I try, I try.

The Real Master Chief: Ask and ye shall receive.

/////////////////

The clearing was filled with a stunned silence.  
"Am I the only one who just saw Kakashi take the bells from us and escape in less then two seconds?" Naruto asked nobody in particular. Sakura and Sasuke were just looking at the space previously occupied by their bells with a stunned expression. Sasuke shook his head, and gave Naruto his usual stoic look again.  
"Dobe, as much as I hate to admit it, I can't take him alone. I think" it cost Sasuke visible effort to say the next bit "we need to put aside our differences for the moment."  
"Oh, the great and mighty Uchiha finally admits he needs help?" Naruto grinned.  
"Shut up Naruto! Be glad we're at least willing to work with you!" Sakura shrieked.  
"I thought I told you I dislike ear-splitting noises, Sakura-chan..." Naruto said, rubbing his ears.  
Sasuke inwardly groaned. "If you're both done, I got a plan that just might work..." he said.

* * *

Kakashi was quite proud of the fact that team seven actually passed. Not that he was going to let them know that of course, but- kunai. Dodging it easily, he was surprised to see Naruto face him alone.  
"Brave, Naruto. Brave, but foolish. Do you honestly think you can take me on your own if even the top rookie of the year couldn't?" Kakashi taunted.  
"Brave talk, sensei. Brave but foolish. Do you honestly think I came alone?" Naruto said, as clones suddenly appeared, surrounding the jounin. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Bunshin? Please, illusions that-" THWACK. He had raised his arm just fast enough to block the first of many, many punches and kicks.

* * *

Sasuke smirked, Naruto was a natural at distracting people, jounin included by the looks of it. While Naruto appeared to be attacking from a random direction, his attacks had actually been coordinated by Sakura to ensure Kakashi would be pushed in the direction of Sasuke's hiding place. As soon as the right opportunity presented itself, he would strike from Kakashi's blind spot and grab the bells, and in the best case scenario even get away without being detected. Well, that was the plan anyway, and Kami knows how often they work out the way they should.

* * *

Kakashi didn't show it, but he was getting tired down by Naruto more than he would have liked. Still, Naruto was also beginning to show signs of fatigue, using so many clones was-SASUKE! Kakashi jumped out of the way, and grabbed Sasuke's outstretched arms, and threw him straight into Naruto, actually nailing the original. Due to being thrown face-first, Sasuke 'landed' on top of Naruto. Heads spinning, it took a few moments for the boys to realise what position they were in.

"GAH! GET OFF! GET OFF!" Naruto shouted in disgust, pushing of Sasuke, who was also trying his hardest to get away. Both of the boys glared at Kakashi, who simply smiled with his eye closed. Thereby missing Sakura coming from behind him, barrelling over him and slamming Naruto into a tree.

"YOU BASTARD! DON'T YOU EVER DARE LAY A HAND ON MY SASUKE-KUN AGAIN! HEAR ME?" She shrieked. Kakashi and Sasuke sweatdropped, while Naruto clutched his ears.

"Ow, my poor ears again..."

* * *

It was the last they saw of Kakashi that afternoon, the jounin having gone up in smoke after Sakura's... unconventional distraction. To make matters worse, Kakashi was waiting for them in the clearing, smiling as he held up the lunch boxes tantalisingly out of reach.

"Okay, guys... well done." he said. At this, the three genin looked up in surprise.

"Um, it could be that my ears were damaged this afternoon, but did you just say we did well?" Naruto said confused.

"No, you heard correct. The real test wasn't seeing whether or not you could get the bells, but to see if you could work together to get them. In real life, sometimes one team-member has to sacrifice himself to ensure that the others survive. Up until now, all I got from the academy were blockheads who followed the rules and didn't even think about working together." Kakashi said in an amused voice. Continuing more seriously, he said "They wouldn't think twice about sacrificing a team-mate and would become mindless killing machines. This is the lesson for today: Those who don't follow the rules are trash. Those who abandon their friends are even lower than trash."

"Well, since we passed the test, can we have our lunches then?" Sakura asked.

"Of course not. You passed the test, but as for getting a bell..." Kakashi smiled. Team seven groaned.

* * *

"Oy, Naruto. Wait a second will you?" Kakashi said after untying them.

"What is it sensei?" Naruto asked, thinking he was in trouble.

"Well, I have some questions for you, but first, congratulations on making genin." Sarutobi said, having appeared behind Naruto.

"Old Man! I did it!" Naruto yelled, pleasantly surprised.

"Yes, I see that. As I said, congratulations. Now, let's walk shall we?" Sarutobi said, lighting his pipe. After a short silence he resumed: "Now, Naruto, I think you have something to tell us?"

"Um, is this about my summons?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, they unlike anything I've ever seen before. Or anyone else for that matter." Sarutobi said.

"Well, It's kinda hard to explain... Also, it has something to do with you-know-who." Naruto said looking down. He then started to tell the whole tale from the start. As he finished, both Kakashi and Sarutobi were silent for a moment.

"You... gave the Kyuubi eyeshade?" Kakashi said. Naruto grinned at the memory.

"It was his own fault too! I wish you could have seen its face after that!" he said happily. He turned serious for a moment.

"Say Old Man, do you know how to make shadow clones more solid? The main strength of da boys is surviving getting hit, but if they're only clones..." Naruto trailed off. Sarutobi frowned in thought, thinking over the possibilities.

"Well, I can't recall a ready technique just yet, but I promise I'll look into it. You said they were sealed into you right?" Sarutobi asked.

"Yeah, but not like Kyuubi though, they're free to move about." Naruto said.

"Hm, very well. Well, thank you for your explanation Naruto." Sarutobi said smiling.

"You're welcome Old Man! See ya!" Naruto said, before running off to Ichiraku's for lunch. As soon as he had left, Sarutobi turned to Kakashi.

"See what you can find out, but do it discreetly. If what he just told us was in any way true, Naruto may have gained some unusual powers. I'll contact Jiraiya in the meantime, and get him to check the seal." Sarutobi said, before vanishing in a swirl of leaves.

////////////////

**Omake:**

"So, finally a real ninja eh? Well in that case, consider the first round on the house." Ichiraku said.

"YAY! You're the best!" Naruto said enthusiastically. As he ate, Ichiraku noticed he was eating slower than usual.

"Naruto, is something wrong? You're normally already on your third bowl by now."

"Well, I just can't shake the feeling I forgot something..."

Miles away, en route to training ground seven, two figures rose up from a crater.

"What say you, my bright student, shall we take a different route from now on? Getting blown up twice on the same lap around the village is most unyouthfull."

* * *

I apologise for the shortness of the chapter, the next one will be longer.


	4. Da big plot begins!

To Fayneir: Tsukiyomi is an illusion designed to inflict whatever torture the user can think of, not the victim if I remember correctly, and would therefore still work. Though it works on only one victim at a time, meaning that any orks summoned will be able to fight on completely unhindered, and since you have to stand still to cast Tsukiyomi, you'd be a sitting duck for any dakka or choppa headed your way.

* * *

/////////////

* * *

The next month team seven, having completed almost thirty D-rank missions/chores, found themselves gathered once again for a D-rank mission when Naruto snapped. They were gathered in the general briefing room where lower class missions were handed out.

"WHAT? Baby-sitting? We become ninja's so we can start baby-sitting? What kind of mission is that Old Man?" Naruto shouted out to the Hokage sitting behind his desk.

"Naruto! show some respect for the Hokage!" Sakura shouted.

"Oh come on! We've been doing these D-ranks for ages, don't tell me you like doing these. We're ready for something bigger." Naruto said, crossing his arms.

"Naruto, I don't think it's safe for you just yet to go out of the village." Iruka put in.

"I'm surprised you say that after what Naruto did in your classroom Iruka." Sarutobi said with a slight smile. "If anything I would have expected you to thank me on your bare knees to let Naruto out of Konoha."

Naruto grinned embarrassedly. They had been tasked with repainting the room, and of course he had got bored, so in order to speed things up, he had used a brand new 'paintbomm'. Unfortunately, Kogs da mek had focused more on the 'bomm' part and less on the 'paint' part. Reactions to the new, ultra-airy classroom had been less than satisfying, and as such they spent the rest of the day putting the walls back up.

"But it is a valid objection nonetheless. Naruto, your team mates also need to agree with this, as well as your sensei." Sarutobi said, turning serious again. "Uchiha Sasuke, do you feel you are ready to take on a fully fledged c-rank mission?" Sasuke merely nodded once. _'One more step closer'_ he thought.

"Haruno Sakura, do you feel ready to take on a fully fledged c-rank mission?" Sakura looked over at Naruto and Sasuke, both of which were staring at her expectantly.

_'I won't hold them back! Besides, Sasuke-kun can always protect me if it gets dangerous, and then there's still Kakashi-sensei.' _she thought, and said confidently "Yes Hokage-sama."

"Very well. Hatake Kakashi, is your team ready as they say?" Kakashi cast a single glance at the determined faces of his team.

"Yes, I believe in them sir. Team seven is ready." he said.

"Then team seven is hereby assigned to protect Tazuna the bridge builder on his journey back to wave." Sarutobi said. "Ah, here he comes."

Naruto looked up at the bridge builder that entered the room. "A drunk? We have to protect a drunken old man?"

"Huh, says the one with the stupid looking face. Are you three brats the ones assigned to protect me?" Tazuna said, barely staying upright.

"YOU! GRAAAH! LEMME GO, I'LL KILL HIM!" Naruto shouted brandishing his new short sword as he was held back by Kakashi.

"You can't kill the client Naruto, that's bad for business. Calm down a little will you?" Kakashi said.

* * *

Two hours later, the team assembled by the gate, Naruto bouncing up and down in excitement. It was ticking of Tazuna.

"Sheesh kid, calm down. Looks like ya got lice or something." he said. Tazuna was clearly hung over, yet had a fresh sake bottle in his hand.

"It's my first time out of the village, I'm excited! Who knows what I'm going to discover out here!" Naruto said, examining each blade of grass and each speck of dust with boundless enthusiasm. Three to four hours later, that enthusiasm had evaporated as they walked to Wave.

"Man, I'm bored." Naruto said, crossing his arms behind his head.

"Oh, shut it mister I'm-out-of-the-village-my-first-time. I think we're lucky not running into bandits or the like." Sakura said.

"Say, Kakashi-sensei, could we go any faster?" Naruto asked, ignoring Sakura.

"Well, we could, but that would tire us down more than I'd like. We need to be prepared for an ambush, and that means staying fresh."

"What if I had a technique that would speed us up and not tire us down so much?"

"You have a technique like that?"

"Sure." Naruto made his favourite hand sign and focused on _Da Wickid Whirlpool_.

POOF!

"Oy liddle boss! Wot do ya need us for? Dere ain't nuffing ter krump!" Kogs said from the top of the battlewagon. Everyone but Naruto looked in shock at the summoned... thing. A great box like construct had been crudely welded on a six-wheeled frame, pipes on the rear belching great bouts of smoke. At each corner of the box stood a big shoota, with random plates of armour riveted in place all over the metal behemoth, and a narrow slit at the front provided the driver a general idea of what was going on outside. The entire thing was painted in red, with the exception of the bumper which had a crude sort of mouth with great fangs painted on it in white and red. On top stood Kogs waving his choppa, obviously annoyed that there was nothing to chop, his faithful grot ammo runt Gurm beside him.

"Aw shut it. Coming guys?... Guys? Hello?" Naruto looked over at the stunned team. "Oh, I should probably introduce you. This is Kogs, big mek of the Evil Sunz and Gurm, his grot ammo runt. Kogs, this is Sakura-chan, Sasuke-bastard, Kakashi-sensei and Tazuna the drunk bridge builder." he said. This shook everyone back from their trance.

"Hey! Pay more respect to your client!" Tazuna said.

"Naruto, couldn't you have come a little sooner with this?" Kakashi asked deadpan.

"No, I wanted to see the world a little closer, so..." Naruto grinned apologetically.

"Ya gonna keep yapping or we gonna drive?" Kogs said bored.

* * *

Kogs soon dispelled, annoyed that he didn't get to kill anything. This suited the remaining grots riggers just fine, as they could now stride around the wagon feeling important with impunity.

"YAAAGH! GREEN THINGS! AGAIN!" Sakura shouted as they tried to loot her bag for the nth time. The grots quickly scurried for cover again, having learned the hard way just how powerful her punches could be when ticked. Kakashi was reading his book, being somehow able to ward off any grot attempts to loot him without even looking up. In a corner, Tazuna was engaged in a drinking contest with some other grots, and losing. Badly.

"Ya liddle *hic* rats! 'Ow come ya not dead yet?" he slurred as he saw Gurm down a bottle of sake reaching up to its thigh.

"Weese been *hic* zeatin'!" the Gurm slurred, now well and truly drunk. "Ya see we swap when ya not *hic* lookin' and... I sayz dat out loud didden I?" Tazuna had fallen asleep, and therefore missed the statement.

"Hah! Us grots is da best!" the Gurm said defiantly before fainting as well.

Up front, Naruto was having a great time driving, grinning madly as he swerved round another corner, honking the horn at passers-by. The other travellers were often terrified by the wagon, to the great amusement of the grots who were standing on top, waving a banner and making rude gestures. Sasuke gave them an annoyed look.

_'Idiot summons for an idiot user. Fitting I guess.'_ he thought, before returning to his brooding.

Nobody noticed the puddle of water they raced through.

* * *

Having wasted their first opportunity for an ambush, due to the wagon moving too fast for them to catch up, the demon brothers quickly took a shortcut to their second ambush site, where they spanned their chain across the road. Then they realised what the flaw in their plan to stop a multi-ton wagon going a hundred miles an hour using only their own weight was.

\/

_The battlewagon approached. The demon brothers drew their chain tight, and prepared to strike the wagon. The weapon glittered with poison and sharp edges, used hundreds of times before on human flesh. Well maintained, utterly lethal and- The wagon struck the chain, pulled the brothers along through sheer momentum, and drew them closer so that they wound up being crushed to a bloody paste under the rear wheels._

_Naruto frowned. He could have sworn he heard a slight 'tink' coming from the front._

/\

"We need a new plan!" the twins shouted out to each other.

* * *

////////

* * *

Plotline development! What will the new plan be? Even I don't know yet, so until next time.

Was signed

Madork Gunna


	5. da kunnin' plan

To karthik9: Thank you, here's your update

To Huitt1989: Want more? Here's more!

To stwar: Thank you for the ego stroke.

* * *

///////////**Da kunnin' plan**

**

* * *

**

Sasuke was getting more and more annoyed by the grots. It wasn't that they kept trying to loot him, a fireball or two had quickly dissuaded them, but more that their childish behaviour was grating on his nerves. Finally, after they had passed another group of travellers, he had had enough.

"For the love of god, SHUT UP!" he shouted. Amazingly, they did. Then there were a series of poofs. Sasuke realised just in time what had happened and jumped up, narrowly avoiding the chain weapon that had sliced through the grots. Two ninja had appeared on the rear of the wagon, wielding metal gloves with a chain attached between them.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and pulled out his kunai. Kakashi popped out of the hatch leading inside.

"Oi, Sasuke, if you're going to stay up there you're going to catch a col-" he promptly got his head sliced off by the enemy ninja. His lifeless body dropped down, alerting the others that something was off. Sakura didn't scream, surprisingly. Still, thinking that it was an illusion didn't help Sasuke a lot. A sudden screeching sound came from the bottom of the wagon, great fissures appearing on the underside as if the entire wagon was pulling itself apart. In fact, it was. The front section, containing Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Tazuna, the engine and the front pair of wheels let go of the rear section containing the enemy ninja, Kakashi's body and the other four wheels. Naturally, without an engine, the rear quickly slowed down to a stop. The front wasn't much better of, mind you, seeing as several minor components, most notably the fuel tank, transmission and rear wheels, had also suddenly gone missing.

"ME WAGON!" an anguished voice cried out, "YA KILLED ME WAGON!"

Stepping out of the wreckage, Naruto wore an expression of absolute fury, choppa drawn. By this time, Sakura had spotted the opposing ninja and realised that Kakashi wasn't using an illusion. Even now she didn't scream. She just stood there, frozen in shock after having instinctively having pulled out her kunai. Tazuna decided to remain hidden in the remains of the wagon, until the pieces suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke

"WHAAAGH!" Naruto cried out and charged the left ninja. Sasuke used the distraction to his advantage, launching a set of shuriken towards the right enemy to cover his own charge. Meanwhile, the left ninja twirled the chain around himself, pulling it taut just before Naruto came in range and blocked with... the right ninja? Sasuke blinked. Using the chain, the two had blocked or avoided their attacks, the left one pulling the right one out of danger and the right one intercepting Naruto's choppa. Naruto continued his charge, following up with a horizontal slice that was blocked by the right ninja's gauntlet. Ducking, the right ninja allowed the left one to use him as a stepping stone, jumping over Naruto and charging Sakura and Tazuna. Sasuke threw a shuriken in the ninjas chain, pinning it to a tree before he could even get near them. The brother got yanked back like a dog reaching the end of its leash.

_'That was weird. I'm obviously the bigger threat here, why would they ignore me and charge Sakura and Tazuna all of a sudden?' _Sasuke thought. Contemplating the matter could wait though, preferably till after the enemy had been taken care of. Naruto was still busily engaged with the right brother, who was hampered by the fact that his chain was stuck, and that Naruto's choppa had a greater range than his gauntlet. The left brother had detached the chain, and was charging Sakura and Tazuna again, this time tossing a hail of kunai in Sasuke's direction, forcing him to block and dodge, making sure he couldn't get to Sakura in time to help.

Sakura saw him coming, getting ready in the basic academy stance. She realised she was on her own, and tried not to panic. But deep down she knew she was outclassed. While both Naruto and Sasuke could hold their own against these two, she was no match against one of the men they were facing. Theory and chakra control were her strong suits, she barely even passed the taijutsu portion of the academy exams. She held no illusions that she could even slow the assassin down. Suddenly a fist connected with the face of her opponent, knocking him out. By the time Sakura realised who that fist belonged to, Kakashi had already relieved Naruto of his opponent.

"Kakashi-sensei? Weren't you..." Naruto asked. Then he noticed that a torn-up piece of wood was lying in the place of his sensei's body.

"Oh, substitution."

Kakashi ignored him, going over Sakura and Sasuke before saying, "Well done Naruto, Sasuke. Sasuke, flawless performance, excellent. Naruto, I recommend you get some swordsmanship lessons, and keep in mind that planning is better than just rushing in. I see you were both able to hold your own against them, impressive seeing as these were probably chunin level opponents. I think you might even have defeated them if one of them didn't go for Sakura and Tazuna. Which brings me to Sakura. You froze up completely, in a poorly executed beginners stance at that-" Sakura's shoulders sagged. She wasn't useless damn it! "-but I'm not trying to degrade you here, let's face it, you were the best kunoichi in class-" Sakura was cheered up a little by this. "-it's just that in real life you are probably worse than Naruto when it comes down to it." Reality hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Now, I'm going to need to have a little chat with our client here." Kakashi said, glaring at Tazuna. The man tried to fake innocence.

"W-What are you talking about?" Tazuna feigned innocence, but it was clear he was lying through the skin of his teeth.

"These two are the demon brothers, chunin level missing nin, they're wanted for multiple murders, robbery and a whole list of other things. They're smart enough to know I outclassed them, yet still they tried to attack us. They wouldn't make this sort of mistake unless there is a really good reward for it. So, who would want to pay such a big reward for a drunken old bridge builder?" Kakashi said. Realising that he was found out, Tazuna confessed.

"Alright, I confess. Have you ever heard of a man named Gatou?"

"Gatou? From the Gatou corporation? One of the wealthiest men in the fire country? That Gatou?" Kakashi said, a bit amazed. A man of Gatou's calibre could hire far better missing nin than the ones they had faced.

"Yes, that Gatou. Though the Gatou corporation is just a front for his larger criminal empire. His shipping corporation is just a cover for his true business: smuggling drugs, weapons, and all other sorts of illegal goods. He uses missing nin and gang members to take over his opponents businesses and even entire countries. About a year ago, he set his sights on the Wave Country. Using money and violence, he took over all the shipping companies that ferried goods between the mainland, meaning the whole country now depends on him. The only thing he has to fear was if someone were to build a bridge so his monopoly would end." Tazuna explained.

"I see. So since you're the one building the bridge, you're in his way." Sakura said.

"So, if you knew there would be ninja after you, why didn't you tell us? This is a B-rank mission at least." Kakashi said.

"Because of Gatou, the country has become extremely poor. Even the feudal lord has almost no money, so there was no way we could pay for an expensive B-rank mission. Oh well, don't worry. If you turn back now, I'll be killed and my cute grandson will only cry for a few days. Oh, and my daughter will just live out the rest of her sad life hating leaf ninja forever, but don't-" "Will ya stop yapping and get going already?" Naruto interrupted Tazuna.

"What?" Tazuna said, looking around. Kakashi had felt the eyes of his students burn into his back during Tazuna's rant, and had given them a small nod. The three then spread out in a defensive formation around Tazuna and were now waiting to move on.

"Did you honestly think we'd just leave you behind here?" Kakashi said with an eye smile, secretly proud of his students resolve. After leaving the demon brothers tied up for Konoha to pick up, they left of again.

* * *

"Why can't we go by wagon again?" Naruto whined.

"Because it attracts too much attention Naruto, you know that. And we all missed the first signs of an ambush when we travelled in it. Now stop asking." Kakashi said. Rather than becoming a little more weary like Sakura and Sasuke, the prospect of an imminent death seemed to excite the blonde even more. Unfortunately, the outlets for his excitement (going fast and krumpin' stuff) were denied to him, resulting in him getting steadily more fed up. Suddenly Naruto tossed a kunai into a bush, surprising everyone.

"Naruto, what was that for?" Sakura said tensely. Going over to where he'd tossed the kunai, Naruto came back with a terrified rabbit.

"Um, dinner?" he said apologetically.

"YOU BLOODY IDIOT, YOU HAD US ALL WORKED UP FOR NOTHING!" Sakura shrieked.

Clutching his ears, Naruto said, "Sounds like that should be qualified as weapons..."

Deep inside one of Orochimaru's bases, a certain sound ninja sneezed.

Kakashi was in the meanwhile going over the rabbit.

_'Snow white fur? In spring? This is a rabbit kept in a cage, probably for body switching. So they're here already, probably getting ready to-' _"Everybody down!" he shouted, pulling Tazuna with him. A huge blade suddenly shot through the air, nearly cutting off their heads. It embedded itself into a tree next to the road, a man wearing bandages over his face appearing on the handle. He immediately went off into some speech, but Naruto wasn't paying attention. The blade! It was huge, perfectly gleaming, with a nice razor sharp edge running along one side. He could just estimate the metal handle would fit perfectly into his hands, provided he grew a bit. He even missed the bit where Kakashi revealed his shiny red eye.

"Say, kid." Zabuza shook Naruto out of his daydreams.

"What? Did I miss anything?" Naruto said, coming to his senses.

"Quit drooling at my sword. You'll see it up close soon enough."

"Really? Wow!" Naruto said enthusiastically.

"That was a threat you know..." Zabuza said, a drop of sweat forming on his head. "Whatever. **Water element: Hidden mist technique**."

* * *

/////////

* * *

MUHAHAHA! A cliffhanger! Well, still got lots of work to do for my other story. Final exams are coming up too, so it'll probably be a full month or so before I can get back to some serious writing. On the next episode: Will the team survive Zabuza's assault? Will Kakashi reveal how he got the Sharingan? And will the bunny wind up as dinner? Fixed the layout a bit, should be a better read now.

Was signed

Madork Gunna


	6. Loot, masks, and fainted senseis

To Ogi: Why thank you. As for Zabuza's sword: there is no such thing as enuff choppa, but by the time this thing is 'kustomized', it sure as hell is going to come close. The bridge brawl... hmm, I don't want Naruto to become too dependent on the Orks for combat, but for bandit work they're perfect. I'll give it some thought.

To Legionary: Fink bigga!

To EDelta88: Thank you.

To karthik9: Again, thanks.

To Sgt. Nolisten: I'm trying to keep Naruto human here, I don't want him to end up as a psychopathic monster. Because face it, that is what orks are, and part of their charm is that they openly admit it.

To Hammerchuckery: Believe me, this is not nearly enough dakka to constitute a WHAAAGH!. There is a WHAAAGH! planned, but not for a long, long time.

To Avid Reader Guy: It burns? Hurhurhur, do da burny dance! (I am a fan of burna taktiks)

To undeadyeti: Oh, ya start makin' demands of ya warboss eh? Good, me facebiter squig hasn't been fed yet. *lets loose facebiter on undeadyeti*

To Lord Sia: Keep in mind that Naruto cannot summon too many orks or his mind will be flooded with his nightmares. Also, chakra cost increases exponentially with the number of summoned orks and machinery. But don't worry, the fight with Shukaku will be a memorable one (I hope).

**[A/N]: **I changed the summary a little. The chunin exams are not yet published, but I have them mostly written out. This whole thing started when I imagined orks attacking one of those giant snake summons.

[\=/]

As the mist formed around them, Naruto drew his own choppa too, eager to loot. Come hell or high water, that big choppa would be his.

Well, provided he could see a damn. Frakkin' fog. Suddenly, a voice came from somewhere in the mist.

"Eight choices. Liver, lungs, spine, clavicle vein, neck vein, brain, kidneys and heart. Which one should I go after?" Zabuza said from somewhere. They were choked with killer intent, hardly able to move, they were going to die, in a horrible, horrible way-

"**SHADOW CLONE TECHNIQUE!**"

POOF!

They were big, even for orks. Wielding big weapons. With big barrels. These would easily have been biggest, most intimidating orks Sasuke had so far seen, were they not carrying so many trinkets and decorations that it was simply ridiculous. One even had an ostentatious sort of officers hat on, and all of them were wearing monocles of sorts. So they simply were the biggest orks Sasuke had ever seen.

"Alright, there's a stinking wimp hiding in this fog, flush him out!" Naruto ordered, jumping on the flash gits shoulders. Tossing over a couple of earplugs to the rest of the group, he said: "I'd put these in if I were you, these guys make more noise than Sakura-chan."

"Right boys, ya heard da Boss. Dakkatime." The flash git Nob, Fat Druzka, said. The monocle in the orks eye buzzed and expanded outward a little. With a little horror, Sasuke realised that there was no telling where the ork ended and where the monocle began.

"Fool. This mist is designed to keep the user undetected for jonin, what makes you think-" "FOUND 'IM!"

About twenty different flavours of firepower all concentrated loosely on a spot to the right. Zabuza's technique might have made him invisible to even chakra sensing techniques, it didn't hide his heat signature. Because of that, the gitfinda targeters hardwired into the flash gits eye-sockets had no trouble finding him. What they did have trouble with was making sure their owners actually hit something. As with all orks, their actual chances of killing something with their shootas increased greatly if they bashed heads in with them. It was because of this single fact that Zabuza was still breathing.

_'Holy crap. If they had aimed that at me right away, I'd have been dead before I knew what hit me.' _Zabuza thought as he kept moving to throw off what little aim the orks Kakashi appeared right in front of him and stabbed him in the gut.

"It's over." he said. Zabuza merely smirked, and turned into water. Kakashi's eyes widened as he was cleaved in half from behind as well as peppered with dakka. Zabuza nearly got hit as well, jumping out of the way just in time.

"Oops." Fat Druzka commented as the gits continued their barrage.

"What is it?" Naruto said, still not being able to see.

"Um, dat uvver 'umie, he woz on our side roight?" Druzka said.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, we has, completely aksidentally, shot 'im up a bit."

"What?" Naruto said furiously.

"Well, we got da targit, and then we, ya know, got a bit carried away, so we... wait a minute, wot da zog? Dey's not dead!" Druzka exclaimed surprised. Both Jonin were facing off in the lake, Kakashi wielding two kunai, Zabuza his giant sword.

"So, you copied my technique? Guess they don't call you the copy cat for nothing." Zabuza said.

"That is not the only thing my eye does. I can also foresee the future." Kakashi replied.

"Oh, really? Tell me then, what does my future hold?" Zabuza said mockingly.

"DAKKAAAH!"

Zabuza suddenly realised that appearing in plain view of the flash gits might not have been the smartest idea he ever had. He needed a way to keep them from shooting at him while he could attack them. So he decided to drop down. With a splash, he disappeared underneath the lake surface, readying a technique. Kakashi was right behind him, flashing through the same handsigns at the same time. Both jonin fired their techniques at the same time: **Giant Water Release!** Two giant shockwaves sped through the water, colliding with each other and cancelling each other out.

_'What? Is he plucking the moves right out of my head or something?'_ Zabuza thought. Whatever, the annoying pests were gone now. While the technique hadn't harmed Kakashi, it had created a tidal wave on the surface that raced towards the genin team.

"Aw, zog." was all Naruto managed to say before they got hit.

Both jonin surfaced, Zabuza smiling mockingly.

"Well, at least it's curtains for your students. Still, without a head, I doubt that Gatou will pay me, so if you'll excuse me." Zabuza tried to get away, but found himself face to face with Kakashi again.

"You're not going anywhere. Don't you see? I can see your thoughts with this eye." Kakashi said, charging something up in his palm.

"What's this? Another knock-off?" Zabuza said, feigning bravery. Whatever it was, it was lightning-based, his elemental weakness. He needed to get the hell out of here before- Kakashi had already crossed most of the distance between them before he could even respond. Had Zabuza decided to dodge, he would have been dead. Instead, he acted on instinct and blocked with his sword, deflecting the **Lightning Edge** and causing Kakashi to miss his liver. Unfortunately for Zabuza, just because the wound wasn't lethal didn't mean it didn't hurt. On top of that came that the Decapitating Carving Knife was made of metal, which conducted the electrical charge through his body. Zabuza dropped to his knees in agony.

"That was no knock-off. That was my one and only original technique, the **Lightning Edge**. And now you die." Kakashi said. Before he could follow up on the threat, Zabuza's neck was pierced by several needles, causing him to keel over dead. A masked ninja entered the clearing, markings identifying her as a hunter-nin of the Hidden Mist.

"Thank you for taking him out, I was tracking him for some time now." She thanked him. "Your students are fine by the way, headed here now." Sure enough, scant seconds later several hundred Naruto clones burst into the clearing, followed by Sasuke, Sakura and Tazuna. Naruto surrounded the mist nin, glaring at her.

"Who the zog are you?" he demanded.

"Easy Naruto, she's not an enemy. She is a hunter nin, a ninja who tracks down those who have defected from their village and kills them. After my fight she showed up to collect the remains." Kakashi explained.

"How the hell is that possible, she doesn't look much older than me!" Naruto shouted.

"Naruto. In the ninja world, things aren't always what they seem. There are people in this world, younger than you, yet more powerful than me." Kakashi said.

"Well, if he's dead already, he probably won't mind if I take this then." Naruto said, picking up Zabuza's giant sword.

_'What? Oh crap, I can't take the blade by force, or I'll give myself away. And I can't just ask for it either, it's not really necessary for identification. Better try to steal it back later.' _Haku thought, picking up Zabuza.

"I must take my leave. Goodbye." Haku said, before vanishing with Zabuza.

"Naruto, summon another wagon, we need to move fast. Oh, by the way, try to rush through ambushes instead of fighting because I'm going to faint from exhaustion now so you'll be on your own." Kakashi said, promptly falling down.

* * *

There were not many things that surprised Amo the fisherman these days. He was an old, world-weary traveller who had seen pretty much everything there was to see in this world. A map maker by trade, he had worked for various countries across the world. He had seen the legendary flying ships of Snow country, making their slow majestic progress through the starry night sky. He had seen demons incarnate in Wind country crush the life out of normal persons and skilled ninja alike. He had even seen the final battle of the third great Ninja war, having accidentally wandered too close and made the mistake of staying to watch. So, when he said that not much surprised him any more, he meant it. As such, he was completely unprepared for the monstrous metal behemoth that roared through his backyard, stopped, and drove back out after yelling a surprisingly human sounding "Sorry!", crushed three bandits patrolling the area and sped off again with a monstrous roar. Wearily, Amo lifted his bottle of booze.

"I guess Nana is right. I'm too old for this stuff." he spoke to himself, and tossed the bottle away.


	7. Country of the Fallen Hero

**[R/A]:**

_To __Hammerchuckery_: There will be one in the next chapter if things go according to plan. Granted, it's not a very large role, but it's crucial.

_To For the love of God_: There will be more. Lotz more.

_To undeadyeti_: Mah Squig! *Smacks yeti over the head with bosspole*

_To Legionary_: Due to the Orks being shadow clones, the spores they produce vanish the moment they are dispelled. I made them shadow clones specifically so that I wouldn't have to worry about spores.

_To Blackvial2000_: To quote Charles Bephin: "_WH40k_ _can make anything Awesome. Even one of, if not the, most whiny, pathetic spineless wusses (Ikari Shinji) in fiction. This is my creed. The Emperor's hand guides all._"

_To NecromancerX69_: Will do.

_To alaskan-dracolych_: Why thank you, I think you got lucky by picking this fic. If the reviews I get are anything to go by then you started with one of the better ones.

_To iron elsar_: Simply put, any warp drive in the 40k universe rips a hole in the universe to access the warp, and exits the warp via a similar hole at a later point somewhere far away. However, due to the unstable nature of the warp and the holes leading in and out, ships may take hundreds of years in real time, or take no time at all and wind up somewhere they didn't want to be, or in an alternate reality, or a mix of the above effects. In this particular event, the warp drive of the Ork Hulk was so heavily damaged and unstable that it simply regurgitated the Orks in a random universe, the mind of Naruto to be precise. Every person contains their own universe, that is where their minds reside, and it is known as the conscious and the subconscious. Normally all the minds appearing in a single mind-verse would destroy the mind of the person in question because of all the personalities trying to mix (the average space hulk contains at least a million orks), but because the minds of the orks and Naruto had time to stabilize due to the shadow clones, they now exist 'peacefully' side by side. I hope this explains it enough.

_To flood125_: No, Kyuubi is evil and the only reason he taught Naruto how to mind battle was because he wanted the orks to get their asses kicked. They did shoot him in the face after all, and he doesn't know he'll have to battle Naruto later on (at least in Canon, dunno if I'm going to use that for this fic).

_To fanofmany_: Thanks.

_To The Dark Graven_: That is the reason I write: To make people laugh. Thank you for letting me know I did my job well.

_To toxinvictoria_: Updates may be slow for the foreseeable future, sorry. As for your suggestions: 1) Difficult to address, mainly because the power needs to leak out of the cage, into Naruto's mindscape, past the orks there. 2) Hadn't really thought about that to be honest. I'll keep it in mind, this opens up some possibilities I hadn't thought of. 3) I actually meant this as a sort of comedic relief, but it can be combined with your other suggestion. 4) I have already planned this out.

_To Chaos Productions_: A review in which more effort was put than in many a story! Thank you for your constructive criticism, that helps me tremendously. Just out of interest, what does my story rate in your system at the moment? I guess D, perhaps C. To anyone else with constructive criticism like this (doesn't have to be a review this long though): Just post! As long as you give me a couple of pointers to work with, I'm happy, even if you say the story was crap

**[A/N]: **I forgot to explain why the battlewagon suddenly fell apart earlier, so here goes. Orks subconsciously generate a psychic field that ensures their technology works as desired. What this boils down to is that if Orks think something works, it works. For example, an age old Orky saying is 'red wuns go fasta!', they believe a vehicle painted red can outstrip a similar vehicle that isn't. Because of the psychic field, they're right, hence the reason most of their vehicles are painted red. More Orks means a stronger field and the more reliable their creations become, and the more blatant their violation of the laws of physics. Even Grots generate this field, meaning that the battlewagon functioned 'normally' right up until the part where the demon brothers tore the grots apart.

**[\=/]**

**Country of the Fallen Hero**

Tazuna's home was located on the shores of a small separate island, connected to the mainland via a small bridge. This small bridge was one of Tazuna's first projects, masterfully crafted from local wood, with a complex form of joint that meant there were no nails or rope needed in its construction whilst still being able to hold the weight of fifteen men comfortably. It was not designed to carry carts or wagons, for that there was a secondary bridge out of sight. It certainly wasn't designed to carry sixteen tons of battlewagon, several dozen grots, three genin, one passed out jonin and one carsick bridge builder. Unfortunately none of this was known to Naruto, the driver of said battlewagon, and he promptly drove straight into the water.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your kaptin speaking, we've arrived and we're currently sinking. Please remember that the standard procedure for this emergency is every ork for himself and don't forget the cookies. Thank you." Naruto announced, before promptly dispelling the wagon. With a splash they fell into the water. Swimming to shore and drying themselves off, the members of team seven looked at each other for a second.

"Didn't we forget something?" Sasuke said.

"Crap, Kakashi sensei is still down there!" Naruto exclaimed, diving back in. Sakura looked at Sasuke.

"Shouldn't we help him?" Sakura asked.

"Hn. Guess so. Help me with Tazuna, the idiot forgot about him." Sasuke said.

* * *

"Tazuna is fine, and for as far as I can tell, Kakashi-sensei is just exhausted and nearly drowned." Sakura said examining Kakashi. Naruto and Sasuke gave her a look that said _'No, really?'_

"What? Don't give me that look! All it means that you idiot-" this was directed solely at Naruto "-didn't do any more damage other than the totally obvious!"

Sakura sighed, calming herself. "Anyway, Kakashi-sensei is out of commission for a week or so. I don't know how our enemies are doing, but it's just us three now..." she let the implications hang in the air.

"So what? Every time we encountered someone, Sasuke and me would have kicked their asses! We can do this!" Naruto said confidently.

"Idiot! If it wasn't for Kakashi-sensei we'd be dead!" Sakura said as she hit him over the head.

"Okay, so we need to train a little. Still, what's your plan then Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, rubbing his new bruise.

"Well, for so far I see it, one of us needs to stay here and guard Kakashi-sensei, one of us needs to guard Tazuna and the third can try to find out more about our enemies. We need to find out who Gatou hired, where they are and when they'll strike. It is also vital to remain low-profile, if Gatou discovers how weakened we are right now we're doomed." Sakura said.

"How'd you come up with that so fast Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

"It's based on a strategy from the first Hokage during the first Great Ninja War.*" Sakura answered a little proudly.

"So, you're just copying a great ninja?"

Sasuke closed his eyes, and listened to the waves crashing against the shore as Naruto tried to get out of a face-shaped crater.

* * *

Soon, night descended over Tazuna's house, and the three went in to have dinner. It had been decided that Sasuke would defend Tazuna's home, as he was the stronger fighter. Naruto would guard Tazuna and the bridge crew, because of his ability to defend more than one person at a time over a larger area with his clones. Sakura, being the weakest in combat, would try and find out more about Gatou and his henchmen in the meantime. Once inside, they were in for a disappointment. Dinner, while obviously made with the best intentions, consisted of three fish with herbs a handful of rice and Naruto's rabbit. Still, Sakura smiled thankfully at Tazuna's daughter Tsunami, trying not tot show her disappointment at the meagerness of the meal.

"This rice is delicious Tsunami-san, you should show me how to make some one of these days." she said, trying to get conversation going.

"Why, thank you, it's nothing special really, I just use herbs that grow naturally in the woods out back, I'll show you some if you want." Tsunami answered with a smile. At the other end of the table, Naruto and Sasuke were engaged in an eating contest.

"Finished!" Naruto exclaimed, putting his bowl back down, only to see Sasuke smirk at him while showing his own empty bowl.

"Beat you again idiot." he said smugly.

"Psah, if it was ramen I'd kick you ass bastard."

"If it was ramen, anyone but you would have suffocated at your eating speed."

"That just means I'm kick-ass, I can kill my opponent even in an ordinary eating contest."

"I doubt killing is allowed in an eating contest."

"All's fair with love, war and food."

"How can you people be so relaxed! Don't you realize you'll all be killed in a few days." a young boy introduced as Inari sitting at the end of the table suddenly shouted. The three looked at him surprised. He had been quiet when he was introduced, merely staring at them in a brooding sort of way. This sort of emotional outburst was unexpected.

"Inari! Don't be rude!" Tsunami said quickly, but the boy ran out of the room before anymore words could be exchanged. A few seconds later, a door could be heard slamming shut. A silence drifted across the table.

"What in the nine hells was that about?" Naruto asked.

"You'll have to forgive Inari, he's been like that ever since someone very close to him died." Tsunami said apologetically. She explained how once, Inari had been rescued by a man named Kaiza. Kaiza was a visionary, loving the country of Wave and it's people, saying that they were the best in the world. For a while, it had seemed he was right; trade was booming, and the discovery of several unique plants and fish promised even greater wealth. Then Gatou came. And all that changed. The country descended into poverty, and no one seemed to be able to do anything about it. No one, except Kaiza. Where he came, he gave people hope, hope that Gatou was just a passing thing, hope that everything was going to be fine, hope for the future. Until he died. On one of his 'trips', Kaiza had been caught, and publicly executed. Nobody was hit harder then Inari, who had just seemed to whither down to a sad shell of his former self. It was quiet on the table for a second.

"Why didn't anybody help him?" Naruto asked suddenly, eyes simmering with rage.

"Naruto!" Sakura said in a warning tone.

"What? How many people were there? A hundred? Two hundred? More? And how many of Gatou's men were there? Twenty at most? Thirty?"

"Naruto, stop it. Can't you see you're hurting Tsunami-san?" Sakura shouted. Naruto didn't answer, but growled something unintelligible as he grabbed Zabuza's blade and walked out as well.

* * *

Inari was crying over a picture in the room. In many of the uncountable deviations of this world, Naruto would have walked in and seen the picture he was crying over. In this variation however, Inari was interrupted not by someone peeking through the door, but by a sheet of steel being rammed through the wall underneath the windowsill.

"For Morks sake, stop crying will you?" Naruto said, standing on the other end of Zabuza's sword outside the window. Inari was still too shocked by the sudden appearance of the sharp stainless steel edge a centimeter away from his throat for a retort.

"Kaiza isn't coming back, so deal with it! You dishonor his sacrifice by just sitting here crying!"

"W-What? Do you know what the hell you're talking about! He was my father! Do you know what it's like to lose someone that close to you!" Inari shot back, having recovered somewhat.

"No. Know why? Because I never had someone like that in the first place." Naruto said looking him in the eye. "I was an orphan, nobody ever gave a damn about me. I had to take care of myself from day one. Think yourself unlucky for losing Kaiza? Praise yourself for being so lucky having him in the first place. And even so, you still have your mother, your grandfather and the other people living here! Believe me, you've never been truly alone. To only know that warmth by seeing others have it." Naruto's voice had grown small at that last bit, and he had looked down. Inari had gone silent.

"How did you do it?" he asked quietly.

"Eh?" Naruto said, looking back up.

"How did you survive without anyone? What happened to your mom and dad? Or your family? Didn't they have friends or something?" Inari said, not quite able to grasp the concept of having literally nobody.

"My parents died when I was very young due to a… disaster in my home. I don't even remember their faces. The rest of my family, I know absolutely nothing about. Perhaps they left me, perhaps they don't know I exist, perhaps they are dead. As for friends… Well, my family probably had them, but I am… special. And not in a good way. Most of my village won't have anything to do with me because of it. As for how I survived, I was raised in an orphanage before given my own house. In a ninja village, orphans are common, so as soon as they are able to they are made to live by themselves, to open up room in the orphanages. But no use crying over what is lost. Only the present counts, the past isn't going to change so use what you can and move on. Crying isn't gonna help anyone, and it certainly didn't get me the friends I now have."

Inari was quiet after that. Naruto reminded him so much of Kaiza, it hurt.

"But he said he'd be here, always. And then he just… died like that." he said, and his shoulders started shaking again. He'd taken steps down the right path before, but inevitably he'd remember the promise Kaiza broke by dying.

"What did I just say? Stop crying! Do something!" Naruto said.

"Like what? What can I do? I'm just a kid!" Inari shouted back.

"Newsflash! So am I! And I'm doing something!" Naruto shot back.

"You have training! You have power! Don't compare yourself with me!"

"Yes, I have training, but that's got nothing to do with power! Power is in you! Power is something you get if you're doing something worth doing! Are you?"

"Get out!"

"What?"

"Get out! You're not him! Stop using his words! Stop saying such stupid things! Just! Get! Lost!" Inari shouted, slamming the window shut. He was rewarded by a rather loud crash as Naruto fell off the giant blade.

"Well, go cry if you want then, but don't expect ever accomplishing something!" Naruto shouted angrily from outside. Pulling his blade back out, Naruto grumbled something unintelligible as he went back inside.

* * *

The following morning, an icy silence had fallen over the breakfast table. Naruto and Inari were busy glaring daggers at one another, Tsunami was staring off into the distance most of the time, Tazuna was hung over and Sasuke was his normal quiet self. Sakura felt as if she was eating alone. It was not a nice feeling, she had to admit.

As planned, Naruto went with Tazuna, Sasuke remained at the house, and Sakura went exploring. Deciding not to waste time doing nothing, Sasuke started training with his Kunai in the field at the back of the house, using old brooms and firewood as targets. He was just done with his second round when he sensed someone watching him. It was Inari.

"What do you want?" Sasuke asked as he impaled another log. Inari merely scoffed.

"Nothing." the boy answered.

"Then why stare?" Sasuke answered.

"Well, I was just wondering. Is it true that he was all alone?" Inari said.

"Who?" Sasuke said, collecting his knives again.

"That blonde idiot. Naruto." Inari grumbled. Sasuke started to wrestle with a kunai that had gotten stuck, thinking over all that he knew of his hyperactive comrade. For as long as he could remember, Naruto had never had family. Only after losing his own entire family had Sasuke realized just what that meant, and deep inside his soul, even though he'd never admit it to anyone, he had started to grudgingly respect the blonde for his resilience.

"Yes, it's true." Sasuke said, finally wrenching the knife free. Inari went quiet after that, leaving him alone. Aparently Sasuke had given him much to think about.

* * *

Sakura sighed in relief as she made it to Gatou's room in his main headquarters. The place was more a military fortress than a trading post. Built on the remains of a lost era harbor, it featured linked fences, barbed wire, security cameras, guard dogs, search lights and half a dozen other security features both new and old. None of it would hinder a ninja, and she could see how Kaiza managed to snoop around half a dozen times before getting caught. Gatou had hired a small army of mercenaries to stand guard, yes, but they where without exception the shabbiest, cheapest, most stupid mercenaries around. Gatou was probably too greedy to hire anyone competent, and for a moment she wondered how the hell he had managed to convince someone of Zabuza's caliber to come work for him. She began to search the files for something that would tell them what the man was up to. Her eyes fell on the payment rolls, and a little trick taught at the academy later the scrolls lay unrolled before her. Gatou had recently started hiring a lot of thugs, but to her surprise Zabuza's pay was not included in the file. Strange, as all of his other illegal exploits were on this list, right down to a couple of hookers for his own amusement. Going back further in time, she found no mention of any other ninja hired, ever. Strange, as Tazuna had mentioned them earlier. Some could have been killed on the job, but all of them? Something fishy was going on here. Putting the scrolls back where they belonged, she left quietly.

* * *

Naruto observed his work proudly. While Tazuna spent all day working on the bridge, the hyper-active blonde had set out with clones to secure the site, and then he had started on customizing his new choppa. In the course of a day, he and Kogs had attached a chainsaw blade in place of the standard cutting edge, a power generator inside the hole at the top of the blade, and as piece de la resistance: a force-field projector near the top. The projector would, as the name implied, project a cone of kinetic energy from the tip of the blade, blasting anyone of his or her feet within a radius of fifteen meters. It wasn't lethal, not yet anyways, but it would be a nice surprise for those unaware of what the blade could do. The upgrades had as a disadvantage that the already hefty blade now had a large black box containing the drives and power system on the hilt, making it impossible for Naruto to lift the thing up to even a basic sword-fighting stance. Undeterred, he'd strapped a couple of grav-plates along the length of the sword, making the entire contraption light as a feather. To control these new toys Kogs had placed three switches on the handle, as well as a smaller, covered switch on the but of the sword. The first three controlled the various functions, while the fourth was the master control switch. All that was needed now was a test run…

* * *

Sakura nearly did a double take as she approached Tazuna's house that evening. Black, billowing smoke came from the isle that housed the small estate, while sounds of steel clashing with steel reached her ears, topped of by a monstrous roaring sound and the occasional tree falling down. Pulling out two kunai she broke into a run, while going through various nightmare scenarios in her head. Going by the sun, Naruto and Tazuna should already have arrived, so at least Sasuke wouldn't be facing the opposition alone, whoever they were. Sprinting into view, she was fully prepared (she hoped) for whatever scene of devastation awaited her… only for her to be taken completely by surprise for the second time that day. Behind the house were the smoking remains of a patch of woodland, now thoroughly destroyed. And in the middle of the destruction stood the battered, tired culprits, clearly preparing themselves for another go. Sasuke was dual-wielding a pair of kunai in much the same fashion as Kakashi had when he had faced Zabuza. He was covered in bruises and dirt, and his shirt was torn in several places, and his face was set in grim determination. Opposite of him stood Naruto, wielding a nightmarish blade that was making the roaring noise. He wasn't in a much better state then Sasuke, even wearing the same determined face instead of his usual smile. Both realized that they were in trouble when they felt the killer intent from their pink haired teammate.

"How about we stop sparring and focus instead on evasive training?" Naruto proposed.

"Sounds good." Sasuke said, eying Sakura nervously.

"Okay, RUN!"

**[/=\]**

It's been waaaay to long since I last updated. My sincere apologies, my university studies are like a black hole sucking up all my available free time at the moment. Anyway, this chapter is sort of more serious because of character development which is going to be of importance later. If you don't like it too bad, it's part of the story. Lastly, I wrote 'lost era harbor' because I believe that the only way you can have a feudal system with kunai and shuriken as main weapons on the one hand with electric power and engineering feats like concrete harbors on the other is because society doesn't know how to make modern equipment any more. Stuff like power plants, steam boats and other modern gear are priceless artifacts in the Naruto world for so far I can see. It would explain why only nobles and Ninja villages (who tend to be pretty well off) have access to technological devices, while the rest of the world still lives in the feudal era.


	8. Da Bridge Battle part wun

**[R/A]:**

_To karthik9_: It is good review.

_To darthridian_: I might let Zabuza and Haku die anyways. Just read on to find out… As for keeping quiet, Zabuza isn't a Jonin-class opponent for nothing :).

_To alaskan-dracolych_: Well, just wait and see.

_To fanofmany_: But it's still not enough choppa.

_To NecromancerX69_: Thanks, the sword will become a permanent part of our blonde ninja's arsenal. As for the mekshop idea, it will have to wait at least until after the timeskip. At the moment, Naruto only provides the ideas, and Kogs sets to work to make those ideas a reality. Naruto hasn't picked up any tech skills to speak of at the moment (granted, he does know which way around to point a shoota, which makes him probably the most tech savvy person on the planet, but still).

_To Tzeentch_: Ah, my least favorite deity has decided to join us (nothing towards you personally, but out of all Chaos gods birdface is the one I truly despise). Well, you'll have your 'malfunction', just. As. Planned. *cackles*

_To Lord Sia:_ Plenty of people have that: Orks, Khornate Bezerkers, Jason Vorheese, Freddy Krueger… On second thought, start worrying.

_To toxinvictoria: _You're welcome, I feel people who give me reviews deserve a little favor in return. On your suggestions, I like 1, I just have to see how I can implement it. 2 is a lot harder, I feel it will get in the way of the plot too much. It's hard to make a fun story if the protagonist can shake off a dismemberment as a minor injury, it leans too much towards suedom. 3 is fun, although it won't show up until the invasion arc I'm afraid. 4 is… Well, I like the idea, but I've got to spend some time working that out. I'll come back to you on this one.

_to Absolute Edge: _Stomp no more, update has arrived.

_to Outcaste:_ I'm afraid you'll have to be patient. I'm studying aerospace (rocket science for the layman), and that takes priority over writing.

_to blane744: _Thank you for the appreciation, as for the update see the response above.

_to Skelo: _Thank you.

**[A/N]: **I'm back! First, any reviews along the lines of 'hey, it's an update!' will no longer be replied to, as it would just take up too much space. They're still appreciated though. I must also note that, no, I do not dislike Sakura. She just makes a perfect Tsundere, complete with unstoppable rages, so she may seem a bit unreasonable at times.

I have started on an original work, because I enjoyed writing so much. Who knows, in a couple of years, maybe sooner if I fail my studies (I don't hope so)… Frak it, enough of me dreaming, here's what you've been waiting for:

[=\/=]

**8. Da Bridge Battle Part Wun**

It would surely have been the end of our male protagonists, had there not been Tsunami to save them with a simple message: Kakashi had woken up. The older Jonin was still lying down on his sleeping roll, but as soon as his students entered his single open eye turned towards them.

"What did I miss?" he said. After catching up on the events that had transpired, Kakashi gave them a contemplating look. Though he didn't show it on the outside, Kakashi was proud of the fact that in just one month his team was starting to show true competence. Still there were flaws in their planning, and it was his duty to point them out.

"You did well, but there were several faults in your plan, the most blatant being splitting up into individuals. Two of you might stand a chance against a chunin, but alone? Also, while you did good to avoid capture, what if one of you got into trouble? How would the others know?" Kakashi said, and continued to mercilessly dissect their actions over the past twenty four hours. To be fair he also highlighted their plus points.

"Allright. Now that the debrief is over, time to plan our next moves. While your paranoia is a good thing Sakura, right now we need to concentrate on our defenses. No more spying trips that is. Right now, one of you will remain here and train under my supervision, the other two will remain with Tazuna, rotating daily. In the evening, I will train all three of you. Starting now."

"What, right now?" Sakura asked. "Aren't you too seriously injured?"

Kakashi simply gave them his patented eye smile.

* * *

"We have to what?" Naruto shouted.

"I believe you heard me quite clearly the first time around. Climb trees." Kakashi said. Then, to the amazement of his students, he walked up a tree, crutches and all, as if gravity had shifted to accommodate him. Pensively he stared down to his students, suspended upside down on a tree branch.

"Of course, there's the minor detail that you're not allowed to use your hands." Kakashi said, starting their instruction. Later that evening, much swearing could be heard outside of Tazuna's residence. Again. Then an explosion could be heard. Again. Kakashi sighed. Every now and then, Naruto would get so frustrated with what little progress he made that he would blow up whatever poor tree he was training on. It had made him jump up at first, but after a while the shock wore off. Kakashi wondered for a moment if he should be disturbed by the fact that explosives were now so commonplace around the blonde that he was no longer worried about it. At least it shut up Inari about them never going to be able to win. The look on his face was quite amusing when he realized that one of the _junior_ ninjas was able to shred a grown oak tree without much effort. Looking at the blonde contemplatively he decided that the largest obstacle for Naruto to becoming Hokage was his impatience, and that it would be something to work on. Moving on to his next pupil, Sasuke, it was almost the complete opposite. Whereas Naruto would loudly announce whenever he failed, Sasuke stayed silent. Whereas Naruto would blow up the tree if he got frustrated, Sasuke merely grit his teeth. And whereas Naruto overloaded the technique to the point of blowing up the bark, Sasuke held back to the point where he wouldn't stick to the tree enough. There were similarities though. Both, when all was said and done, went back up and at it, displaying extreme perseverance and stamina. Both were steadily making progress up the tree, each attempt higher than the last. And both really, really wanted nothing more than finish first. They would make fine rivals, pushing each other to new levels, possibly the most powerful Ninja of their generation. As for Sakura… frankly, Kakashi was amazed at how fast she'd mastered the technique. There was no doubt that she'd make an excellent Kunoichi, once she got over the fangirl behavior.

* * *

Several days later, an exhausted but thrilled duo entered the house.

"We…" Naruto began, panting.

"Did it." finished Sasuke. Then they collapsed in a tired heap on the floor.

"Kakashi-sensei, didn't you call them in at nightfall like you said you would?" asked a worried Sakura.

"Oh, I said that? Must have slipped my mind again." Kakashi commented airily. Getting more serious, he said, "Our enemies will probably make their move soon. Naruto, Sasuke," -the pile of human flesh gave off a vague grunt of acknowledgement- "rest for now. Then, I want you three to rotate between guarding the bridge, the house and training or resting. I'll be supporting you where needed."

* * *

"Think I overdid it?" Naruto asked.

"Nah, ya know da humie sayin': Betta safe den sorry." Kogs answered. They were currently standing outside Tazuna's house, having spent the entire morning of the next day making various upgrades to it, as Naruto had volunteered to take first watch defending the place. A solid steel wall (well, semi-solid at least) of two metres high surrounded the place, with grot-manned gun-turrets in strategic places, non-strategic places, and random places. Traps ranging from anti-tank mines to sguigpits dotted the surrounding area and to top it all off mechanised patrols roamed around at random intervals happily machinegunning everything that so much as twitched in the wrong way.

"Right, jobs a good one then." Naruto said, dispelling Kogs. He saw Inari eying him, and grinned. "Still think we're dead, boy?"

"Well, when my Kaa-san finds out that you trampled through her flower patch and subsequently rigged it with high-explosives, then yeah I think you're pretty dead." Inari answered. Naruto blanched.

"MY GARDEN!"

"Um, oops?"

* * *

After being forced to dismantle his elaborate defenses, Naruto spent the better part of the afternoon practicing with 'Eadchoppa, as he had dubbed the blade taken from Zabuza. Mainly it consisted of swinging the blade around a lot while trying to maintain his balance, being to weak at the moment to do more then simple chops and slices. Still, the devastating power of a successful hit, further magnified by the whirring chain-edge was enough to take down even the toughest of opponents, as demonstrated when he nearly cut down a girl watching him… after slicing straight through a cluster of pine trees, the hard wood slowing down the blade by roughly zero point zero per cent.

"Whoops, er, sorry girl." Naruto apologized. The girl seemed slightly ruffled but otherwise unharmed.

"It is okay, although I am a boy by the way. May I ask what you are doing here?" the effeminate boy replied.

"Training! I have to get stronger if I want to wield this thing in battle." Naruto said enthusiastically.

"It certainly is… unique. Where did you get such a blade?"

"I looted it from a ninja me and my team beat earlier, then I made some customizations to it." Naruto said. "I call it 'Eadchoppa."

"Are you not afraid of the wrath of the ninja you took it from when he finds out what you did?"

"Nah, he's probably dead anyways."

"You seem sure."

"Well, we found out that his employer never paid any ninjas he hired before, so probably he got double-crossed if he survived us defeating him." Naruto said shrugging.

"So anyway, what are you doing out here in the wood all alone?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, I was just gathering herbs for someone close to me. May I ask, are you a ninja?" the boy replied.

"You noticed? Yeah I am. Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha's number one most surprising ninja, future Hokage, pleased to meet you." Naruto said grinning.

"I'm Haku, well met. Future Hokage? Why would you want that position, don't you know how hard that job is?"

"To prove I'm the best ninja there is, to make everyone acknowledge my strength, and to prove something to someone!" Naruto summed up enthusiastically.

"To prove something to yourself or to others?" Haku asked.

"Both! I'll be the best Hokage ever, so that no one will have to be alone again, and to make everyone acknowledge my existence."

"Do you truly believe you can create a place where everyone can live together?"

"Hell yes! You know what, when I become Hokage, I can show you!" Naruto said, his boundless enthusiasm making Haku smile. His mind was reeling from all the new information. Zabuza would probably flip if he found out what Naruto did to his blade, but on the other hand the boy had also unwittingly warned them of an impeding betrayal and this... 'Eadchoppa' seemed a great deal more powerful than the original. Also, the boy had made him smile in his boundless enthusiasm, striving for a goal like that. If he succeeded, it would mean that finally he and Zabuza had a place to settle down.

"I certainly hope your dreams come true one day. Let's meet again somewhere." Haku said, and left.

"Sure, whatever. Later!" Naruto said, and went back to his training. '_What a weird boy. He was nearly prettier than… than…'_

"Wait a minute - THAT was a BOY? Whoever thought that up was sick!" he shouted as realization hit him.

* * *

The week was over far too fast. That morning Kakashi announced he was back to full health, and he wanted to preform a team exercise by the waterside today. Halfway, Naruto realized he'd forgotten lunch, and went back. As the remaining members of team seven and Tazuna reached the bridge, they immediately knew something was up. A great fog cloud had settled over the construction site, and the normal sounds of the builders getting ready for a hard days work were missing, replaced by an eery silence. Coming closer, they could see the prone forms of several of Tazuna's men lying in haphazard piles all over the bridge. As Sakura kneeled down to check on one, a voice rang out.

"Don't worry about those, they'll live. One heck of a headache afterwards, can't move for a goddamn week or so, but they'll all live."

Kakashi's eye narrowed.

"Zabuza. What do you want?" he said, getting ready.

"Isn't it obvious? I want to talk." Zabuza replied from somewhere inside the mist.

"You're not getting Tazuna, wasn't I clear enough last time?"

A little chuckle followed. "You can keep that overweight drunk, I'm no longer interested in him. No, what I want is a little workout while we discuss our mutual problem. You see, my kind employer thinks he can stab me in the back without fear of retaliation, and I'm not really in the habit of letting little stinks like that live. So, what do you say? Just you and me, my student versus yours, while we talk things over. No deaths, promise." Zabuza replied in a sweet voice that was somehow much more threatening than any sort of battle-cry.

* * *

"Go faster, we're late!" Naruto shouted over the roaring noise. The trukk driver gladly obeyed, gunning the supercharged engine once more. They shot down the road to the construction site like a cannonball, when suddenly Naruto's eye caught something: Mist. Lots of mist, hanging around the unfinished part of the bridge in an unnatural white blob.

"Zoggit, looks like there's trouble ahead. Drive me closer! I want to hit them with my Choppa!" Naruto shouted from his perch on top of the drivers cabin.

"Yes boss!" replied the driver.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was back to back with Sakura in a dome made of icy mirrors. They had several needles sticking out of them, nothing fatal but highly painful. Haku was just too fast for either of them to catch up, politely trying to get them to give up.

"It is not shameful to lose to someone more powerful you know." he said from the safety of a mirror.

"Shut up. How can I get stronger if I give up when it gets hard?" replied Sasuke. He was getting frustrated by the fact that someone of his own age group was so much stronger than him. What was he doing wrong that he was so weak?

"Very well." said Haku, and it started to rain needles again.

"Looks like my student is a class higher, eh, Kakashi?" came a disembodied voice from the mist.

"Well, in all honesty I have only been training them for a month, and most of that was getting them to work together more." replied another voice. Said students realized that both their respective mentors were very close by now. A clang sounded from the top of the dome. One of the reflections of Haku moved, and the top mirror rumbled a little.

"Goddammit Haku, that's me!" cried Zabuza.

"Sorry sempai."

"I thought I told you to stay out of my fight!"

"Sorry sempai."

"Stop saying sorry!"

"So-I mean excuse me."

"And what on Earth is that racket?

Haku might have wanted to say something, but at that moment Naruto chose to make his entrance.

* * *

**A few seconds earlier.**

"YEEHAA! OUTTA DA WAY PINKIES! WOO!"

"Allright, we're here. Hit the brakes."

"WOOHOO! Wait, say again boss?"

"Hit the brakes."

"Err..."

"You know! For braking?"

"... Wot's brakin'?"

*SMASH*

* * *

Kinetic energy is the energy generated by a moving object, and can be calculated by taking half the mass times the velocity squared. Thus a golf ball moving at 100 meters per second contains less energy than a bowling ball moving at the same speed, and an ork trukk at this speed contains enough energy to smash through an ice mirror reinforced with chakra, keep on going, swerve around a flabbergasted Sasuke and Sakura, lose a wheel whilst smashing through another mirror and finally coming to a rest against a half-finished bridge railing. Naruto was launched of the top during the initial crash and landed somewhere over the edge with a splash. Shaking his head, Naruto swam up to the side of the bridge, ran up a support pillar and reappeared at the railing.

"The hero of the hour, who is always fashionably late, has appeared! Konoha's number one most surprising ninja, Uzumaki Naruto, has arrived!" he declared triumphantly.

"I take it that's your third student?" Zabuza said deadpan. He would facepalm were he not locked in a combat position with Kakashi.

"Yes he is. Not what you expected?"

"I dunno, I was thinking of someone taught by you to be more…"

"Subtle?"

"Bingo."

"What are you talking about?" asked Naruto offended. How could they not like his special entrance?

"Naruto, a basic ninja lesson: Don't attract attention to yourself, you'll only get killed faster." Kakashi sighed.

Zabuza's killing intent suddenly flared.

"Wait a minute, IS THAT MY SWORD?" he shouted, pointing to 'Eadchoppa strapped to Naruto's back.

"Can it, I looted it fair and square." Naruto said. When he blinked, 'Eadchoppa was gone from his back, Zabuza behind him inspecting the blade thoroughly.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BELOVED SWORD?" the assassin shouted angrily as he examined the chainsaw edge, the force field projector and the bulky power core. How anyone could do damage with this new… thing was beyond him. Use those stubby teeth along the edge to rasp away at an opponent like his former colleague Kisame did? Even then, the center of gravity was all wrong for that. That kid had ruined his blade! Zabuza looked at Naruto with a look in his eyes that predicted a horrible, slow, painful and messy death.

"I'M GOING TO ****ING KILL YOU!" he shouted, and raised the sword with one hand. Naruto wisely jumped out of the way before it could come down on his head.

"HOLD STILL YOU FAGGOT!" Zabuza shouted as he chased the orange clad ninja. As Naruto ducked under a slice, Zabuza noticed the buttons on the hilt. Experimentally, he pressed one as he chopped downward. Along the length of the blade blue lines lit up with a hum, and suddenly the weight of the blade decreased by more than a half. Because of the sudden change of weight and center of gravity Zabuza overshot his mark and embedded 'Eadchoppa into the bridge deck where it stuck. He raised an eyebrow.

"INTERESTING. Wait, why am I screaming that?"

He thumbed the second switch, and with a roar 'Eadchoppa freed itself as the chainsaw blade activated.

"STOP RUNNING YOU LITTLE SHIT!" he shouted as he started to chase Naruto all over the bridge, when suddenly Kakashi appeared in front of him.

"Zabuza, that is still my student. If you want to kill him, you'll have to go through me first." Kakashi said.

"Aw, don't worry. I'll only beat him up a little, but if you want to go first be my guest." Zabuza replied, and attacked. Kakashi stepped aside, and countered lightning quick with a couple of stabs, forcing the nukenin back.

Zabuza was so absorbed with his new opponent it took him a moment to realize there were more buttons. Zabuza started to grin. He was starting to like this new blade.

"Well, lets see what more this thing can do won't we?" he asked, and pressed the button as he moved to swat a couple of thrown Kunai out of the way. The collision didn't even make a sound as a golden-yellow glow surrounded the blade and reduced the metal projectiles to their component atoms. Zabuza only realized he had cut down a support after the scaffold it upheld came crashing down around him.

_'What the hell?'_ he thought, and experimentally made a gouge in the bridge deck. The concrete offered hardly any resistance whatsoever. His smile got wider.

"Nice." Pointing the blade at Kakashi, Zabuza pressed the final button as he began to monologue. Before he could utter a word though, something shot out the tip that bowled the other Jonin over.

"Oh, it can shoot stuff too?" Zabuza mused as he looked at the sword again. "I think I might just start to like you."

Then he noticed a switch he had missed the first time around, hidden on the butt of the hilt. Swinging the sword overhead to deliver a coup de grace to the prone Kakashi, he pressed it. Immediately, every system powered down with a hum. This included the anti gravity plates, meaning that all of a sudden the one hundred kilogram sword weighed exactly that again. Caught by surprise, Zabuza lost his grip on it. Gravity had its way, and thus 'Eadchoppa fell straight down right on top of Zabuza's head with a nasty sounding thud. So it was that the Demon of the Mist was knocked out not by his opponent, but by his own weapon.

[=/\=]

* * *

Woohoo! longest chapter to date!I know in the manga the roles were reversed for Chakra-usage, but it seemed more fitting for their characters to make Sasuke use too little and Naruto too much. I also am aware that they're rushing through the training faster than normal, but I took a little artistic liberty here to fit in more choppa. Lastly, I must apologize for my slow updates. I currently study aerospace (that's rocket science in layman's terms), and it takes up a hell of a lot of my time and energy. Sorry, but my studies take priority over my writing.


	9. New Years Speshul

_Hokage tower_

"Lord Hokage, the preparations are complete."

"I must say I am surprised that we still had enough fireworks left with that raid on our stocks. How is the investigation going on that by the way?"

"We are sorry, but we have uncovered no further clues, Lord."

"Hm. No matter, it will still be a night to remember. Dismissed."

* * *

_Top of Hokage Monument, aka Kape Orkanaveral_

"Allright. Firecrackers?"

"Check."

"Meteors?"

"Check."

"Roman Candles?"

"Got dose."

"Grot aimer?"

"Lemme out! Lemme out!"

"Shaddap! Check, boss."

"Pulsar Rocket?"

"All systems good ter go!"

"Excellent! Time for a new-years eve Konoha will never forget!"

* * *

_Secret Location_

"Lord Madera, we might have a problem."

"I knew it, everything was going too smoothly. What is it Pain?"

"Well, I know about your moon's eye plan. Does it require a moon?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with a problem all of a sudden?"

"Well, sir that flash a few seconds ago?"

"Unusually bright fireworks, so what?"

"Look out the window please, towards the moon's former position."

"Former? What do you-"

_Opposite end of the earth of Secret Location_

"_**NOOOOOOOOO!**_"

* * *

Merry Christmas and a happy 2011!


	10. Shades of Grey

**Shades of Grey**

**Review responses have been moved DOWN.**

Silence drifted over the bridge as both sides contemplated this new development for a moment.

"What just happened?" Sakura asked, blinking.

"He used the master control switch." Naruto explained. He was looked at as if he had grown a second head.

"He pushed the off-button." he explained a bit more. Suddenly his face lit up as he realized something.

"Wait a minute, this means I beat a Jonin! I'm awesome!"

"Actually, he knocked himself out Naruto, so it doesn't count." Kakashi told him.

"So my enemies rather knock themselves out than face me!" Naruto swerved to face Haku. "How about you, are you going to give up as well or not?"

"My speed is to great a factor for you to overcome by pure chance." replied he.

"Did you say something? I couldn't hear for all that hot air you were blowing." Naruto said.

"Your infantilism astounds me."

"And she still won't shut it."

"…I have this strong sense of deja vu right now."

Naruto frowned.

"You too?" he asked. An 'ahem' drew their attention to the now clear end of the bridge, the fog having lifted with Zabuza's K.O. A short man was leading a large group of burly, scarred men armed with a wide variety of sharp steel implements of death. Mercenaries by the looks of them.

"How disappointing. Seems the Demon wasn't all he cracked up to be." the short man said, looking at Zabuza disdainfully.

"Do not disrespect Zabuza-sama in my presence if you value your life. You may be paying us Gatou, but I guarantee you your death will be painful." Haku said in that same polite voice, twirling needles in each hand.

"Sorry boy, but the plan has changed. Well actually, I planned this from the beginning. You and Zabuza will die here, as well as those Konoha rats. You see, village shinobi are expensive and may betray me, so I get missing nin who are easy to, ah, clean up afterwards. I simply have the ninja's battle each other and when they're weakened I finish them off with numbers, costing me far less and leaving little chance for betrayal." gloated Gatou. He glanced at the standing members of team Seven. Kakashi was still out of it after getting hit by the forcefield from 'Eadchoppa, leaving only the four children to face the coming onslaught.

"Oh, and as a little extra insurance, you Konoha Shinobi are to stay out of this. You see, I have taken the precaution of sending a few of my men over to Tazuna's house to procure his lovely daughter and darling grandson. If you surrender, I may let you see them again." Gatou said grinning confidentely. Sasuke and Sakura glanced at each other, but Naruto only grinned.

"Don't worry! I didn't remove all of my defenses, they'll be fine!" he said confidently.

* * *

**Some time earlier, Tazuna's house.**

Tsunami was trying to comfort Inari, crouching behind the sink where she was doing the dishes until the two men arrived. Until 'it' began. It wasn't visible, thank god, but the sounds alone were sickening. The roars, the screams, the clash of metal against metal, and the horrific tearing sound when blades found purchase on soft flesh. She cast a glance at the third occupant of the house, who was watching the goings on through a nearby window with a smile of parental pride on his face.

"Um, Kogs-san, shouldn't you stop him now?" she asked.

"Nah, 'e'z 'ad a rough life before I put 'im in dat Killa Kan, let 'im vent a liddle." the Mek said.

"But surely those men are dead now?" she replied.

"Well I ain't sure 'bout-" Kogs was interrupted by a thunderous boom shaking loose flakes of paint from the ceiling. The other noises quieted down in it's wake.

"Um, yeah, dey'z dead now, really, really dead. By da way, ya need a new bridge fer ya front door." Kogs said.

"Again." he added, as an afterthought.

Still, his designs worked perfectly. That Grotzooka was even blastier than he had anticipated. Kogs portable radio shook him out of his musings. The device was linked to an identical unit inside the boss' trukk. It sounded like the boss was in trouble, and he subconsciously cringed when the trukk apparently crashed.

"Gork, sounds like the boss has problems." he muttered, and prepared to leave. Inari saw him.

"Where are you going?" the boy asked.

"Well, it sounds like da boss has a problem, so I'z gonna go out and give 'im a hand!" Kogs replied.

"Why? If Naruto has problems, and he's stronger than you, what makes you think you can make a difference?"

"Da boss is only wun boy, 'umie. Even da strongest Ork needs his mates sometimes. Alone, ya can't make a WHAAAGH!"

"A what?"

"A WHAAAGH!"

"What is that?"

"Wait, wot? Ya dunno wot a WHAAAGH! is?" said Kogs, visibly amazed.

"Not really, no." said Inari.

"Well lissen up, and lissen up good, 'cause I iz only explaining dis once! A WHAAAGH! is wot every Ork lives for! It's da time when ya done mucking about, when ya see all dat's wrong wiv da world, da time when all dat's needed ter set things right is a good and propa stomping! It's da time when wot's right and wot's left is crystal clear fer ya, da time when you and all da boys gather together, ya choppas are ready, ya shootas are checked, and ya all gonna fight fer wot's right! Fer wot's good! Fer wot's worth fighting for! Dat is a good! And! Proppa! WHAAAGH!" Kogs shouted the last part with nigh on religious fervor. Fortunately Kogs had neglected to explain that to an Ork, 'right and proppa' was defined as 'never ending war', or he would probably not have sounded as inspirational. As he calmed down, Kogs grinned.

"Now wot are ya gonna do? Join me WHAAAGH or stay here sniveling like a little wimpy grot?" he asked. Inari looked at his mother for a second. She smiled.

"Go ahead. Time to be a hero." she said. Suddenly a shadow fell over them, and Kogs was lifted by the neck by a great mechanical claw.

"Wot woz dat about Grots?" asked the Killa Kan threateningly.

"Er, nuffink!" replied Kogs nervously.

* * *

Rousing the villagers had been easier then Inari thought it would be. Granted, a large green monster was backing him up, and that had inspired even the most cowardly of men. Spirits soared even higher when they caught sight of the great clanking form of the Kan. A force of nigh on five-hundred angry men, led by a small child sitting on an Ork's shoulder was soon on it's way. They arrived just in time to see the army of mercenaries face off with the ninja present. No blows had been exchanged yet, a small man was holding a speech about something or another.

"Hey! You lot!" Inari shouted. Heads turned and mouths fell open. The mercenary force, which had been filled with impatient whispers and anticipatory banter fell completely silent. Gatou trailed off mid sentence.

Naruto waved cheerfully.

"Hey Inari. Good to see you finally decided to do something." he said. Inari gave him a grin.

"It was worth doing." he replied sincerely. Even though it had to be his imagination, he felt Kaiza's eyes on him, looking on proudly as his son was finishing what he had begun.

Meanwhile, Gatou was busy rallying his demotivated forces.

"Come on! You still outnumber them, and you're better fighters than them! What is there to be afraid of?" he said.

"They have ninja with them!" replied a mercenary.

"Only some kids barely out of their diapers! The adults are out of it, what is there to fear?" Gatou shot back. He could see the hesitance slowly vanish.

"I'll even double your pay." he offered. That did it. Greed overrode common sense, and ranks reformed.

* * *

"Allright, this is the plan! Me and the other ninja will attack the main ranks, and you make sure none of the sneaky ones get by us into the villages!" Naruto ordered loudly to the Wave militia.

"Um, dobe, not to douse your fires or anything, but that's a lot of men." Sasuke remarked, taking position on the right.

"Naruto! What good will charging in do us? Have you been sleeping through all lectures on tactics?" Sakura said, next to Sasuke.

"Uzumaki-san, I know and respect your abilities, but I fear your comrades are right. This force outnumbers us too badly." Haku said politely, on the left.

"Have you not been paying attention?" Naruto said smiling a 'I know something you don't' smile. His hands formed a seal.

"I am Konoha's number one surprising Ninja, da small scary Gork-form, and the future hokage." he said, and in a huge cloud of smoke the bridge deck filled up with over a hundred of his infamous summons. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?"

"DA BOSS!" answered the green menace as one.

"Alright lads! You know the plan!" Naruto shouted, as he picked up 'Eadchoppa and pointed to the mercenaries.

_**"WHAAAAAAGH!"**_ roared one hundred and twenty-six throats in unison, and the Orks charged.

Gatou's mercenaries were all street fighters, men and women who learned to kill before they could walk. All had at least a decade of combat experience, not just surviving but thriving in the poorest, most worn down parts of the cities where letting your guard down for just a moment would get you robbed, raped, and killed (not necessarily in that order). These troops did not fight fair, honorable, or with mercy for the weak. They didn't care about morality, they were in it simply for the money and the plundering they could do afterwards. They were more than capable of holding their own against nearly anyone not a ninja.

The ork mob tore through the mercenary army like a hurricane through rice paper. Limbs flew, as the boys did what they did best. Naruto was at the forefront of the fray, 'Eadchoppa living up to it's name as none could stand before him. The blade swung in wide arcs, eviscerating anyone within reach with devastating blows that ignored armor and blocking attempts. The mercenaries lasted all of five seconds before they broke and ran before the onslaught.

So caught up in the WHAAAGH was he that Naruto only stopped giving chase when liquid spray blinded him temporarily. Annoyed he wiped the stuff out of his eyes, and froze. His hand was covered in blood. So was 'Eadchoppa, steam rising as hot systems boiled the liquid away. So were his arms, when he took a moment to look at them. It didn't require a lot of imagination what the rest of him looked like. None of the blood was his. Realization hit him like a sledgehammer. He had killed. He, Uzumaki Naruto, had taken the life of another human being. He knew of course, as a ninja you had to sometimes, but it was nothing like what he had expected it to be. He had expected it to resemble his dreamscape, where death was just a regular, if slightly unpleasant experience. It wasn't anything like it at all. The creatures of his mind, for all their nightmarish qualities, never begged for mercy or screamed in fear. They hadn't prepared him for the sight of a man torn apart while trying to run missing half his leg.

"S-Stop." he whispered, feeling numb. Caught up in looting, three orks were arguing over a cleaver, the owner of which was surrounded by his own entrails but still quite clearly alive, groaning in a tortured manner.

"Stop." Naruto said a little louder. Someone screamed in fear as she was swamped by gretchin and ripped to pieces.

"Stop!" he shouted. A few heads turned in confusion. Why would they want to? Shakily his hands formed into a seal.

"STOP!" shouted Naruto at the top of his voice, and dispelled the orks. Only a few were left behind, all burna boys. They stared at him in surprise.

"Um, boss, wots going on?" asked one.

"C-Clear up this mess." Naruto ordered shakily. "Burn it, burn it all away!"

The burnas gleefully obeyed.

Even as the billowing flames wiped his sins off the face of the earth, it wasn't enough. He spun around, looking for a place where he could clean himself. A flask, left behind by one of the workers during Zabuza's morning raid, caught his eyes. It took him three tries to unscrew it due to his shaky hands, and even then, no matter how long he scrubbed the feeling of disgust just wouldn't go away.

* * *

In the meantime, at the end of the bridge, something else was going on. The Orks were gone, and so were the majority of Gato's thugs. What was left of his army was hardly in any mood to fight. They were piling on to the transport that brought them, some of the more enterprising mercenaries forcing the ship's crew to get them out of there. Slowly, the rag-tag bunch of survivors disappeared over the horizon, leaving one of their number behind. The short man wasn't fit enough to keep up with his more athletic employees, and was currently standing at the very end of the bridge, shaking his fist at the rapidly shrinking dot that was his ship.

"Wait for me you cowards! Hey, you're leaving your employer behind!" shouted Gatou as the boat sailed away. Nervously, he realized he was surrounded. From one side, the villager mob came. From other sides came those accursed ninjas. Only one option remained open to him: there was nobody between him and that truck thing wedged halfway through the bridge railing. As fast as his legs could carry him he ran for the trukk, praying to whatever deity was willing to listen that it would still function. As he settled behind the steering wheel he frantically searched for the ignition, randomly stabbing at buttons. He didn't see that several sparky bits had been severed by the crash, hanging less than a centimeter over the go-juice that had begun to leak out of the pierced gas tank. As any mek will tell you, sparky bits and go-juice make for a rather bad mix.

A giant fireball engulfed the trukk from below, blasting off the roof of the cabin and vaporizing the nearby concrete. A smoking crater was all that was left of the crime lord. Realizing they had nothing to target anymore, the villager mob ground to a halt.

"We… We did it! WE'RE FREE!" shouted one, as realization hit them. The entire mob burst out cheering, slapping each other on the back and generally being jovial. The fact that they hadn't actually had to do anything was forgotten, just by being there they had taken the steps to freedom by themselves.

"Come on guys! For the Orks and their leader! Hoorah!"

* * *

He slowly came to. The last thing he remembered was Zabuza pointing his blade at him, then darkness. Groggily, Kakashi looked around to see everything was over. He walked to Sasuke and Sakura, noting the amount of carnage on the bridge. The bridge was covered in the charred remains of a battlefield.

"What happened?" Kakashi asked them.

"Naruto happened." Sakura said, looking a little forlorn. Kakashi sighed, he could have guessed.

"How is he taking it?"

"Don't know. Haven't talked to him yet." Sasuke said.

"Is- Is it always like this?" Sakura asked after a short pause.

"Killing? Well, you just have to remember you did it to protect those who you care about. It gets easier over time, though if you ever stop feeling bad about it, tell me immediately." Kakashi replied. _'One Itachi was bad enough.'_

Leaving them to their thoughts, Kakashi made his way to where Naruto was feverishly scrubbing his hands raw.

"Naruto." he said. Naruto ignored him.

"It won't go away. It won't go away. It won't go away…" muttered the boy. Kakashi gripped him by the shoulder and forced him to look into his eye.

"Naruto, listen to me. I know taking a life isn't easy, especially the first time, but look around you. That's a freed people you're looking at, and if it wasn't for your sacrifice, their hands would be covered in blood for it. Even more, not all of them would be alive now. Think about that for a second." Kakashi said. Naruto relaxed a little.

"Sorry… You must think I'm weak now." Naruto grimaced.

"Nonsense. Don't confuse strength with bloodlust. Look, what would have happened if you hadn't done what you did? Maybe they would have done it by themselves, but a lot more people would be dead. Maybe they would even have lost. But that didn't happen. You saved them, and right now that's all that counts. It's good that you feel guilty, you should never enjoy taking lives, but you need to remember that it was for a good cause. Don't get stuck in the 'what if'-scenarios or laden yourself with guilt, you'll only end up losing yourself." Kakashi said. _'Believe me, I speak from experience.'_ he added in his mind.

"Heh. I'm overthinking things?" Naruto asked. "You're probably right."

"Now I believe the village is going to throw a party in our honor. Coming?"

"…

Will there be ramen?"

* * *

"So, what are you going to do now?" asked Sakura. She and Haku were sitting on the newly constructed front bridge of Tazuna's house, lazily watching Zabuza chase Naruto around for the possession of 'Eadchoppa.

("It's mine! I even gave it a custom paint-job!")

"I do not know yet, Sakura-san." Haku replied, "It would appear that Zabuza-sempai enjoys spending time with your comrade."

("I DON'T CARE IF YOU PAINT IT LILO AND CALL IT STITCH, IT'S STILL MINE!")

"That is his definition of 'a good time'? Looks kinda painful to me."

"Can you not tell? Sempai is smiling underneath that mask." Haku said in all seriousness.

("If you want a blade so badly, I got other ones for you!")

"Hm, not really." Sakura said squinting. Between Naruto's stamina and usage of clones (both regular and green variants), and Zabuza's speed and agility, it was a pretty even match most of the time.

("WHY WOULD I WANT A CHEAP KNOCK-OFF?")

"Look carefully, you can see the wrinkles. Granted, I do have the benefit of experience when it comes to reading sempai's moods, but can you really not tell?"

"How long exactly did it take you to learn how to read your sempai's mind in battle?"

("Cheap knock-offs? shadow clone technique!)

"...Okay, so it might be a little harder than I make it seem.

"You can say that again."

* * *

Zabuza ducked underneath a crude axe, using his forward momentum to roll forwards before jumping over a couple of worn dirks. The last half hour had seen him dodge all kinds of projectiles that Naruto insisted could replace his Cleaver. Nothing had even remotely caught his interest. He scoffed as he sidestepped a mechanical glove that seemed as dangerous to the wielder as it would be to the victim. What kind of second rate swordsman did the kid take him for? He needed a worthy weapon, something like… the blade impaled in the tree in front of him.

It was a two-hander, undecorated except for the cross-guard, which was made of two leering skull faces on either side of the blade. An ethereal light shone in each eye-socket, one green, one red, one blue and one purple. The blade seemed to whisper sweet promises of carnage into his ear. Drawing the blade he was rewarded with the sight of a jet-black, razor sharp edge, as if he was wielding a piece of the night sky itself.

Zabuza sensed something from the blade, a gentle caress at the edge of his consciousness.

_Release us for power man knows not…_

"How?" he asked.

_One drop of your essence, and you will see…_

Not believing what he was actually doing, Zabuza made a small cut on his hand with the blade. Immediately, sensations flooded him. He was standing on a misty lake, brass pillars in the distance carrying enormous chains stood tall in the distance. There was no light source, yet he could see everything in detail. Sounds of battle were carried along by a harsh desert wind. Before him a colossal brass figure rose out of the water, flames leaping out of the noise in an angry imitation of breath. A large axe was held in a battle ready stance, and it's voice was loud, brash and filled with rage.

"KHORNE ACCEPTS YOUR SACRIFICE MORTAL! YOUR SKULL FOR HIS THRONE!"

With that, it swung it's axe in a decapitating horizontal arc. Reflexively Zabuza ducked under it, and became aware of the Decapitating Carving Knife's comfortable weight in his hand. Swinging it overhead the brass giant roared as Knife bit deep into it's thigh. Thick streams of blood were gulped up by hungry maws spawning on the brass, and not a drop reached the ground.

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! DOESN'T MATTER WHERE IT'S FROM!" it bellowed, and charged again.

"YOUR SKULL FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"

The giant was interrupted by a rose sprouting out of the sand, wrapping itself around the giant's legs, it's thorns leaving deep gashes in the bronze skin. Bellowing, the giant struggled against the small plant, but more sprouted and wrapped themselves around the figure.

"I'm afraid I cannot let that happen. You see, I also desire something after that long imprisonment." said a new voice, soft and husky. It filled the air with a warm fragrance, driving the harsh desert air away, but not completely. A part of the desert air lingered around, diminished but still threatening.

Zabuza became aware of two gentle hands softly stroking his back and chest, and half turning he caught a glimpse of a surreal beauty straddling him.

"Care to take a guess as to what those desires are, noble warrior?" she purred seductively. With a supple movement, he twisted out of the dream woman's grip and pointed the tip of his blade at her throat.

"Sorry, you're not my type." he said. Shocked, she looked up at him, winking her eyebrows seductively. At the same time, a trail of sickly looking skin wove it's way up her body.

"Are you sure?" she said through rotting teeth, holding up her pale flabby hand towards him, a piece of maggot-bitten flesh falling off. Zabuza cocked his head to the side.

"Damn sure. I don't do corpses, sorry." With a shriek, the aberration vanished, swallowed up by a stream of rose-petals.

"You puss-filled sack of maggots! Don't you dare touch me that way again!" came a shout from the roses that had sprung up in roughly a quarter of the lake. A male's voice, infinitely gentler than the voice of the brass giant, chuckled softly. Large swathes of stinking algae and other disgusting lifeforms sprouted from the water as great swarms of buzzing flies swarmed through the air.

"What's the matter, cannot take a jest?" said the newcomer, and Zabuza whirled around to come face to face with a most disgusting looking figure looming over him. A pair of antlers stuck out of a bald plate of a head, the rotund body vibrating in synch with the chuckles. "Ah, but I must say, it feels good to finally be free again. Do not fear mortal, unlike those other two I come bearing great gifts."

"Oh please. Those great gifts you keep rambling on about are, at my last count, a pair of maggots and a mushroom. Whoop-ti-doo. I on the other hand, bear some actual 'great gifts'." came the woman again. She had recovered, becoming a figure of pristine beauty again, and did nothing to hide her indeed quite ample assets. A victorian style bench had sprung up for her to lounge on floating gently over the lake.

"It would seem that we have reached a bit of an impasse, my esteemed colleagues." said a fourth voice warmly. Zabuza couldn't determine wether it was a male or female, mostly because the pitch and volume bounced up and down like a hyperactive grasshopper on a caffeine drip. The water in the final quadrant cracked open to let a multicolored cloud rise up as a woman in a multi-colored robe stepped into view. Her outline was hazy, and there was no telling where the woman ended and the cloud began. Two bright sapphires formed the eyes. Where she walked, crystalline structures sprouted in a plant-like fashion, forming beautiful geometric patterns

"Great. I order a sword, I get a freak-show." Zabuza complained. "What the hell are you?"

"We are, or rather were, representatives of four separate powers, each seeking the same thing. Recognition from our respective patrons. Power. Souls to play with." said the cloud woman.

"Well you're not getting my soul. Wait, what do you mean by 'were'?" Zabuza said.

"Well, all of us here-" the woman gestured towards herself and the other three figures "-are in a bit of a pickle at the moment. You see, until recently we had contact with our superiors 24/7, but then something strange happened. I take it you've already met our esteemed hosts?"

"Those green things or the blonde kid?"

"Those green things. Their souls unfortunately prove to be quite bad sustenance for us. 'You are what you eat' applies rather literally for us, and frankly none of us desire to become trigger-happy axe-crazies. Well, maybe Thraxidaminus here, but that's because he's already axe-crazy to start with."

"THERE IS NOTHING CRAZY ABOUT THE HONORABLE WAYS OF KHORNE!" shouted the brass giant, having freed himself from his rosy prison.

"So you claim, but I have yet to see the evidence. Regardless, something happened that severed the connection between us and our patrons, and that means we're either dead or somewhere where they cannot reach us. Since none of us seem dead, I assume this is someplace they cannot reach us, which would mean that somehow we are no longer in out own universe. You see, where we come from feats such as walking on water or that little fog trick of yours require a person to draw upon a power known as the Warp, a mirror universe composed of the emotions, thoughts and souls of any sentient being. This is not without it's risk, as the Warp is where beings such as ourselves reside. It is also a constant, no matter where you go the Warp will always be with you. Except, apparently, here. Where 'here' is I have no idea, all I know is that suddenly I'm forced to bunk beds with this lot and no way of returning to where we came from. Then you came along, and released us into your mind."

"So now what?" Zabuza asked. The woman shrugged.

"Well, normally we would tear your mind apart and feast on your soul, but because we are severed from our main source of power we're actually too weak to pull that one off."

Zabuza muttered a silent prayer of thanks to his former sensei who had taught him about Yamanaka mind techniques.

"As it stands, we're at a bit of an impasse. We're not willing to let go of our only chance of freedom, eg. you, but you're to strong to be completely possessed by us. So it would seem we have to make a deal of sorts."

"What kind of deal?"

"You were looking for a replacement for that toy of yours were you not? I assure you, the blade you currently hold will be more than adequate. It's capable of cleaving through any armor without making a whisper, it never needs maintenance and it only you will be able to wield it. On top of that, you will get all four of us along with it as a bonus." the woman stated.

"WHAT?" bellowed the giant.

"I don't remember me saying that darling…" the voluptuous woman said.

"Okay." the rotting man said shrugging.

"Good to see at least one of you sees reason. As for you two, well you're more than welcome to going back to being Nob Drufka's personal 'toofpick'."

"Why is having four freeloaders a 'bonus'?" asked Zabuza.

"Ah, but each of us will confer an advantage to you. I, Seres, will grant you insight beyond mortal comprehension." said the woman.

"I, THRAXIDAMINUS, WILL GRANT YOU STRENGTH TO POUND YOUR ENEMIES TO DUST."

"I, Mirage, will grant you charm and beauty to woo any mortal to do your bidding."

"I, Sumuc, will grant you resilience to endure any injury."

"What's in it for you?" Zabuza asked, still skeptical.

"Food for us. The souls of your victims."

"I can live with that. Deal."

And then there was darkness.

* * *

Zabuza blinked. He was back to where he was before, still holding on to the possessed two hander. Before his eyes, the blade warped, becoming nearly fluid before reshaping itself into a black version of the Decapitating Knife, although the skull decorations remained constant. Small tendrils of arcane power seemed to wrap themselves around his wrist, and he could feel the power surging in to him.

"Hey kid." he called out, "You got yourself a deal."

Some distance away Naruto appeared, eying him suspiciously.

"You'll stop chasing and torturing me?"

Zabuza shrugged.

"Do you want to learn how to use your new weapon properly?" he asked innocently.

"Hell yes!" Naruto said enthusiastically.

"Then no."

* * *

Two weeks after the great battle, a rather battered and bruised team 7 stood at the new, finished bridge. Kakashi had given Zabuza permission to go all out with training Naruto, and in the interest of keeping things fair he had made sure Sakura and Sasuke kept up. Painfully sure.

A small party had assembled to say goodbye to the team. Inari, Tazuna, Tsunami, Zabuza and Haku stood beside them.

"Take care kid." Zabuza said gruffly, but he was clearly smiling a bit as he said it.

"I hope we meet again, under better circumstances. Goodbye." Haku said, polite as ever.

"I won't cry… I won't cry…" muttered Inari as he tearfully hugged Naruto.

"Don't worry. It's alright if you're sad." Naruto said smiling.

"Besides, I'll come back, so don't be sad! Simply look forward to my next visit!"

Sniffling, Inari let go. "Promise?"

"Promise."

As team 7 finally left wave, a thought struck Tazuna.

"We still have to name this bridge."

"Well, I have a perfect name for it!" Inari proclaimed.

"Why not after the boy who changed everything for us? Won't that be super perfect?

"Heh. The great Naruto bridge? It's certainly got a ring to it…"

**To be continued…**

**[/=\]

* * *

**

Before filing a complaint about Naruto angsting here, keep in mind that a clash between ideals like this had to occur if I kept both him and the Orks in character. Don't worry, this won't be a big issue later on, nor will it recur often, but every now and then the Orks do need to be reminded that you "Don't touch da civvies!". Among other things.

The tzeentch daemon might seem out of character, but think about this: why would the servants of tzeentch, the God of Change, follow a specific temperamental template? If anything, that would go completely against their nature. A true tzeentchian would be whomever he/she needs to be in order to move people along in their schemes. Right now she's amicable in order to come into Zabuza's good graces, this is by no means her true nature. Right, and now on to the reviews!

_To __Hammerchuckery: _Can I ever have enough?

_To darthridian:_ Naruto already has the industrial base to build mechas. It is a space hulk he's absorbed, a fusion of ships that individually are already big enough to house an entire city.

_To Karthik9: _THANKS. (seriously though, all-caps are not necessary to catch my attention)

_To __NecromancerX69:_ I hope you like the serious bits of this chapter as much as the lol's of the previous ones.

_To Skelo: _I hope this chapter answers that.

_To Tzeentch: _I'm still in doubt about the paint job (it'll get one, no doubt about that, just the color I'm not sure on). Naruto is nicer than most warbosses, yes, but that's because he sees the Orks as a surrogate family. He'll smack 'em around when they cross the line, but until then he treats them as his friends rather than as his subordinates (this is one of the reasons he's so popular as boss).

_To Psudocode Samurai: _It's an actual rule for Ork looted wagons that if you roll a one on a movement dice the vehicle will essentially run out of control, disabling most of the weapon systems and catapulting it forward (possibly grinding any troops in the way to a bloody paste). Name of the rule? 'Don't Press Dat!'

_To Lucaris: _Well to be honest I didn't describe the training marathon because I had no idea what it would look like… The ? and the ! are a bit of an issue, I've seen several writers complain about it as well. All-caps will have to do I'm afraid, not the most elegant solution but it works.

_To DenimGiant: _Lootas don't mind it if someone loots their gear back. From the Ork Codex: "A typical Loota has a very open-minded viewpoint about his possessions. If an Ork is skilled enough to steal from a loota, the Loota will not claim his possession back (at least not whilst the thief is still looking); he has stolen it fair and square."

_To Snowskeeper:_ It's karma: kill your classmates and you will lose your sword :). Oh, and as for the moon thing, it's not part of the 'official' continuity, so don't worry (you are correct about it having negative effects though, maybe usable as a form of indirect planet killing).

_To lol: _Didn't know they blew up the moon in DBZ. Dang, and here I thought I was original :P.

_To Sithking Zero: _Too bad the omake isn't part of the continuity.

_To __ukiyo nishiyori: _Well, guess this chapter answers that eh? (nice name by the way, mean anything?)

_To Lord Sia: _Maybe next year. (I like the idea though)

_To __hydrianwaqy1013: _To actually answer any of that would be spoiling too much. You'll just have to read to find out!

_To LoPe21: _I'm still deciding what color Naruto will wear. To be honest, I think I'm going to stick with orange.

_To Cre A. Tor00x: _Killa kans are present in this very chapter, and they'll appear in later ones every now and then as well.

_To __Josher: _That will certainly be… interesting *grins*.

_To Mysterious Old Guy: _Zabuza and his new weapon will feature in later chapters as a recurring character. The how, when and why are secret though.

_To No- I'm not on Facebook: _I feel flattered, but then again this is also the only orky Naruto crossover.

_To yarra: _Good to hear I'm also attracting people who haven't heard of the franchise.

_To Kurtulmak: _Compromise: I'm moving them down and clearly mark where the chapter ends, 'kay?

_To T-B-R: _That little nugget wasn't made by me but by Charles Bephin (another writer on this site, I can heartily recommend him). I still enjoy the compliment though.


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